here I am!

Oh. So, I haven't written for a week. I think this might be my longest hiatus from blogging ever. Sorry, bout that guys! I really just haven't had a lot to report… combined with the fact that some of the stuff I COULD report…I didn't really want to. So, there ya have it. My excuse. :) Onward!

This week was a weird one. Not super crazy wacky weird, but I felt weird about a lot of things. I blame the clomid. Messing with your hormones does crazy things. So, on Sunday I started my clomid for this cycle and took it for 5 days- finished up yesterday. So, hopefully, my ovaries are doing their thang, and getting all ready to pop out some awesome eggs. Dr. D upped the dosage of clomid this month, so, we'll see what that does. I really really hope that all systems are a go, and that things are happening the way they should. I go in on Monday to get an ultrasound to check out my follicles, to see when we can do the IUI. (And for my non-fertility following friends out there, IUI stand for Intra Uterine Insemination- you can read about it here, if you so choose). See? See how I keep you so informed and knowlegeable? You're welcome. I've given you the PERFECT cocktail party convo topic. Really- just bring it up to a random stranger. They'll be all impressed with your phat fertility knowledge.

Speaking of the IUI, Ian and I had some talks about that this week. He said he sometimes feels (and I completely agree and understand) that doing an IUI is "cheating". I mean, we were able to get pregnant before "the old fashioned way" , so why shouldn't we try that again? Well, the reason we are fairly sure we're going to do an IUI this time, is because of the trauma Ian's poor sperms have been through lately. See, he has had pain issues in his nether-regions for about a year now (that's right- a YEAR. We truly are the household of broken junk. Poor guy!). Well, when we got pregnant, Ian started being more aggressive (as per his Physical Therapist's instructions) with trying to fix things, since we no longer had to worry about his sperm quality for a while. One of the things he did was take hot baths every night for a couple of weeks. Well, if any of you are familiar with the "things-dudes-have-to-stop-doing-whilst-trying-to-knock-up-their-women"; taking hot baths or being in hot tubs is a no-no. Also, he had gone back to having the occasional drink, because well, I was already pregnant. Oh, but then I miscarried. SOOO…. the baths, the alcohol… well, they very well could have affected his soldiers. We don't know for SURE, but it could have. ANYhoo- this is why we are strongly considering the IUI this time. Because before they do the IUI, they take his sperms and they separate the good ones out by spinning them in a centrifuge thing, so only the top notch ones are deployed during the IUI. No slow-moes getting in the way. So, if there did happen to be any damage done with the baths and the martinis, we can hopefully still have millions of guys that were NOT affected. Especially since as soon as I miscarried, he stopped with the baths. However, even with all of this, our odds will be only SLIGHTLY increased; but not a ton. Just very slightly.

So, there's the other risk for me; getting my hopes up that since we're doing this all "fancy schmancy scientific like"; that we'll for SURE get pregnant! Because nope; the chance still hovers around 15-25%.

Anyway, are we cheating doing it this way? Maybe. It's not ideally how I'd like for it to happen. But, I also don't want it to take another year and a half. I want a baby. No, I'm still not willing to do IVF- and we don't need to- but I think I can handle this. Sometimes though, it feels a little like I imagine women who had to give birth via c-section might feel. Like, yes, you had your baby, but you didn't birth them in the traditional sense. I know that from what I've read on other blogs, that this can sometimes be really hard for women, because they feel like they didn't get the experience of actually delivering the baby naturally. They didn't "pay their dues". Of course, we all realize that no matter HOW you bring a baby into this world; natural birth, epidural, c-section, adoption; you are a rock star mom. So, I need to keep telling myself that if I do an IUI, it doesn't make me any less of a woman or Ian any less of a man. If it brings us a beautiful baby to love; then that's all that matters.

I'll keep you in the loop with Monday's results as to how my follicles are doing. Cross your fingers. :)

Have a lovely weekend, all.

~M

on your marks, get set, go! (again!)

Sorry for the long gap in posts, my friends. Really, I just didn't have a lot to report. I've just been in the "waiting" period, waiting for a new cycle to start so that we could officially start trying again. In the meantime, I've been doing weight watchers for 5 weeks and have lost a total of 6 pounds. If you'll recall, last week I was up 2.2 pounds. Well, this week I lost 1.2 pounds, so, I've ALMOST gotten rid of what I inexplicably gained the prior week. I'm very happy I lost, but a little bummed that I didn't completely get rid of that stupid 2.2 pounds. Oh well. Next week.

Anyway, I guess it wasn't SO inexplicable, given that I was on progesterone, and apparently progesterone makes you gain weight. Whee. I had been on it trying to induce my period so that we could reset things. Anyway, it worked! As of yesterday- I've started a brand new cycle. This is the most excited I've ever been to be crampy, bloated, irritable and breaking out. This Sunday I'll start the clomid and dexamethasone (my wonder ovulation drugs) and take those for 5 days and hopefully get some ovulation goin'! Then I am going to the doctor on the 18th to get a sonogram and then hopefully we'll do an IUI that week. I may just be projecting, but I'm pretty sure I can feel that my ovaries are psyched to do a really good job this month. I can tell they are ready to ROCK this.

Honestly, I hope I'm able to get pregnant faster this time. I have hope (?) that I could, (only because we know so much more about the drug combo that works for me, and various other things about my cycle/body) but I don't want to get my hopes up TOO much. I just feel like I don't have as much patience this time around. It's not an angry impatience… it's more of a "I've already had a taste of what could be, and I can't wait another YEAR for it! Hurry up, body!" kind of impatience. Anyway, I know that I just have to be patient, because there's no way to rush it. I just have to do everything I can, trust my doctor, and hope that it works. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

On another, totally unrelated note, I think I'm going to widen my horizons a tiny bit when it comes to this blog. You see, originally I had intended for it to be a place to chart/vent/journal my trip down infertility lane, but I also wanted to throw in a little splash of other things going on in my life. I tried a couple of times, (like here and here) but the baby stuff always blurred into it. So, I'm going to start trying to occasionally just blog about my non baby-makin' part of life, and non-baby things on my mind. We'll see how it goes.

SO! I'm excited. New start, new cycle, new hope- and all during a new season- Fall! Fall is my favorite and it's definitely arrived here (FINALLY!) in New York, so maybe all this newness happening at the beginning of Fall is an omen. An omen that good things are on the horizon- and I'm ready!

~M

*photo found here

tests, recaps, etc.

So, I'm tired. And I just don't have it in me to come up with a witty title. Thus, the lame title.

So as you know, I went in to the doctor on Friday to see where my little follicle was. I found out that I had a follicle on my left ovary that was 14mm. A mature follicle is 17mm.... so, it was almost there! Super D told me that I'd most likely ovulate by Monday, and if I hadn't by Tuesday, to come in. He also told me to take OPK tests on Saturday, Sunday, Monday to see if I was going to ovulate. I told him that they never work for me, but he told me to just give it a try in case.

Saturday- negative
Sunday- negative
Monday- negative

Was I surprised? No, not really. I was just convinced that my body doesn't register on those tests (they say specifically if you're on fertility meds or have PCOS that the tests may not work. Since both apply to me, it's not surprising that they don't work).

So, I went in today as he requested. I thought I'd go in, the follicle would be mature, he'd give me that magic shot he gave me last time, and blammo! Ovulation!

Yeah, no.

He did the ultrasound. Looked around all up in my bizness. Guess what? The follicle is now GONE. Now, there is one logical explanation for this- I ovulated! Except. Except my temp did not go up. It always goes up when I ovulate. It goes up when most people ovulate! The other explanation- the follicle went away. Is this possible? Can't be, right? Sadly, yes. So... I thought this was going to be a normal cycle. But, it very well may not be. I'm going in tomorrow to get some blood drawn to test my estrogen and progesterone to see if I've ovulated. If so, coolio, if not, I have to do a SECOND round of clomid/dexamethasone. That's right; 2 rounds of fertility drugs in one cycle. Because it seems as if my body rides the short bus, and doesn't know what to do when it gets fertility drugs.

On the Ian front, he got all of his tests back. Basically, some of it confirmed what we knew already; Good sperm count, 15% normal morphology (which, on some websites it says is on the low end normal and other sites say it's just low), and a new piece of info, his motility (how fast/well the guys move) is now a little slow (it was normal before). Good news is, he seems to have a good DNA structure to his boys. He's getting one more test this week to confirm that, but at least that's good. His doctor now recommends we do an IUI. I spoke to my doctor about it today and he said he'd look everything over. First of all, if I didn't ovulate, we have to get that ready to happen before we consider an IUI. So, that's the first step.

I feel like I could write more and more about this, but as I mentioned, I'm just tired and just wanted to update the basics.

We are both getting increasingly frustrated and discouraged, but I'm fighting to remain hopeful. I want this to work. We want this to work. We are more than ready to add to our little family of two.

I'll let y'all know what the blood tests say tomorrow.

~M

it's clomid day!

Hurray hurray for clomid day! It's day four of my brand spankin new cycle and time to start my clomid and dexamethasone! The lovely drug cocktail that caused my ovary to create one lovely follicle last cycle. No, I didn't get pregnant, but, with only a 25% chance each cycle, it's not that surprising.

But, it's a new cycle and I'm really hopeful that it will be a close to normal length.

Wow. I don't have a lot of interesting things to report today.

Mostly, just excited to start a brand new cycle with brand new hopes. :)

~M

P.S. I got a sweet love note from my mister this morning. It made me all sorts of happy and reminded me yet again how lucky I am to have found such a wonderful guy.

let's start at the very beginning

So, my uber cycle is finally over. It lasted a whopping 85 days, but it's DONE. It started on April 3rd! Holy cow.

Now we are on day 2 of a brand new cycle, and I'm pleased to be done with the cycle that would never end. I called my Dr. this morning and we now have an action plan for this new cycle.

So, it's quite similar to the end of my last cycle- I'll be starting clomid and dexamethasone on day 4 through day 10. Then, on day 13, I'll go in for a sonogram to see if my little follicle is all ready to go, and also to do another post coital test to see if the baking soda is working to not kill sperms. So, you guys, I could potentially have a normal cycle this time! I'm not going to get ahead of myself, but I think it's entirely possible. A cycle over in a month? Crazy talk. We'll see. :)

~M

you down with opk?

Ok, that title was dumb. I apologize.

(For those of you not "hip" to the "cool, new" songs- that was a reference to the song "OPP". And, for those of you not down with the pregnancy lingos... OPK is an Ovulation Predictor Kit.)

There, now that we have that settled....

OPK's don't really work for me. I can't say for certain if they never will, but because my cycle is so erratic, it's hard to know when to use them. OPK's detect the Luteinizing Hormone (LH) surge which occurs approximately 24-36 hours prior to ovulation. So, another factor is that some people just don't have a very strong LH surge, so they may not work for some people. Which could be me, who knows. Now also, if you've ever purchased them, you know they are NOT cheap. Well, when I first started out, I bought this device. It is cheaper in the long run. However, when you have a long cycle, these aren't the best. And once you hit like 45 days or something, it's like "oh, hold up! Your cycle length is unacceptable. I refuse to continue." So, maybe if my cycles start regulating (like with clomid) it will be a better option... however, it also has been said that OPK's don't work sometimes when a person is taking clomid.

So, that's helpful.

Anyway, once I had NEVER seen a positive on my OPK machine, and once I passed the 45 day mark and it wouldn't work for me, I stopped using it. Now, I could have gone and purchased the individual ones, but seriously they are SPENDY, and I never know when I'm going to ovulate. So, at $40 for a box of 7, and I'm on cycle day 68 now... well, I'd be spending a LOT of money on something I don't know if it would even work.

However.... this week I bought some. Because I just finished my clomid/dexamethasone 6 day treatment to try and trigger ovulation, so I thought, maybe this time! So, I took one last night, and this afternoon, and was greeted by this:

And, just so you know, that is a big 'ol negative. Because if you are fertile, the test looks like this:

See? All smiley. And my test result above is all faceless and sad. BOO. Just ONCE I'd like to see that damn smiley. It sure would be helpful. Anyway, I have 5 tests left and will see this week if I can get that smiley face to pop up.

:)

~M

this, that and the other

Well, I've been putting off writing in the old blog, because well, I'm having a hard time. About what, you might ask? Oh, just all of it. I'm just plain tired.

First of all, I've been feeling weird about blogging lately. Because I can feel myself not being entirely open sometimes- just because some of this is hard to share. And really tiring to re-cap. And I know I don't HAVE to tell the blogosphere everything, or tell the whole truth, but it feels all false if I don't. I know I'm under no obligation, but it feels like since I started this, I need to keep going. Sometimes it feels a bit like being naked in front of people. I know that sounds dramatic, but, it does. Sometimes I think, "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to stop. It's too hard." but, even if no one reads it; I do want to have it for posterity, and to look back on. Interestingly enough, I often feel the way about all this babymakin'- "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to stop. It's too hard." Do I really want to stop? No. Still, it's hard. Anyway. That's just a few things that have been going on in my head.

So, on to the Dr. appt. It was kind of uneventful, but also there's a sort of plan in place. First off, I still have not yet ovulated. It is now day 62. That means most women would have had two full cycles at this point, and I haven't even ovulated yet. GAH. Anyway, so, I got a cervical culture to see if the ureaplasma has gone bye-bye; which I'm really hoping it has. Ian is being tested too. So, I hope it went away, because I suuuure hate antibiotics. The tests should be back in a few days, so cross your fingers.

First of all, I'll have you know that I went in with a list of questions to ask him. I was going to be so good at asking questions. A question asking machine. Little did I know that he was going to be doing my cervical culture (last time a nurse did it) so most of my talking time with him was sans pants. That didn’t sound right. Ok, I was sans pants, he did have pants on. Now, I don't know about you, but when my lady bits are all out in the open and my feet are in stirrups, sometimes it's hard to remember what you were going to say. And I HATE how fast Dr. appts are sometimes. Sometimes I need a few moments to process things, and if things move too quickly, I get flustered. And say things like "great! sounds good!" when really I want to say, "um, what? repeat that please?" Anyway, next time I go in, I'm bringing a notepad with my questions written down. (Thanks to my lovely acupuncturist for that suggestion.)

He prescribed me two drugs to push my ovulation. Clomid and Dexamethasone. Now, as you'll recall, I've taken Clomid before, and it did nothing for me. However, the research I've done with Dr. Google tells me that often times when patients (especially PCOS patients) don't respond to Clomid alone, it is paired with Dexamethasone (a steroid) and it yields better results. I'm not sure why; there are many possible reasons listed that I won't bore you with. So, I take them for 6 days, then go get a blood test four days after finishing, to see if I'm close to ovulation. If the blood test comes back and says that I am close, then next step is a post coital test. Which is exactly what it sounds like. If the numbers look good on the blood test (my estradiol and progesterone) then we "do the deed" and go in to the office the next morning. Then he checks a drop of cervical fluid (hey, am I totally grossing you out yet?) to see how many swimmers are in it. If there are an acceptable amount, and enough of them have good morphology, then he will tell us that we don't need an IUI and perhaps with the help of an ovulation pushing drug, we can just conceive naturally. If there are NOT enough, or not enough of them have good morphology, then my guess is he'll suggest we do an IUI. So, that's the plan for now. Does it feel good to have a plan? Sort of. My worry is that it won't go the way it's supposed to. Like, what if I don't ovulate after I take this medication? I know, I know. I need to quit thinking like that. It's hard not to though. When your cycles are so long, it starts to feel like they won't ever end. But, this is the plan as of today.

Ian is still dealing with quite a bit of pain, and that is really hard. I feel so bad for him. I know that he keeps saying baby makin' is his number one priority, but to me, my number one priority is for him to feel better. My acupuncturist knows of a physical therapist that deals with his kind of pain, and has helped a lot of people, so Ian is making an appointment with her. I'm really hoping it helps. I just feel so bad for him. :( He turned his desk at work into a standing desk, because it was too hard to sit all day! :( Poor guy.

So, that's what's up. Not very glamorous, not very exciting. It's hard. Stressful. Frustrating. But, I have an amazing partner, and wonderful friends and family, so, this helps immensely.

Day by day. I just need to focus on each individual day. Not easy, but I think necessary.

~M

*BTW, wouldn't it be fun if all pills looked like the picture above? I think we should work on that.

photo found here

the fair

Hey, you know where they DON'T have healthy food?

At fairs.

But that's ok. :) We still had a really good time in Peekskill, NY at the carnival. Well, we didn't do many carnival things, b/c well, it was pretty much just kids and fried food and rides. And rides are EXPENSIVE! We were going to go on the ferris wheel, but figured it would be $10 a piece to ride it! um, no. We packed a little lunch of healthy food and ate it at a picnic table in a nearby park. Then we wandered around Peekskill to see what we could see. There wasn't much, honestly. Walked a few miles, got a little sunburn (it was HOT!), and had some really good conversations with my man. Took a train ride, and just generally had a lovely little day.

I have a Dr. appointment today. We're going to make sure the antibiotic killed the ureaplasma and I'm going to ask him about my next cycle and maybe clomid and ask about IUI and if he thinks I need that. Still haven't ovulated, so we'll see what he says about that as well.

Anyway, very happy to have had a 3 day weekend! I hope you're all well!

~M

i am annoyed by me

If I were you, I'd be annoyed with the fact that all I talk about is fertility and my cycle and blah blah blah blah blah. I personally am thoroughly annoyed by thinking about it all the time. So, listening to it, well, I imagine that must not be pleasant. Sorry, y'all. It's all I think about.

Because until you actually find yourself trying to get pregnant, it's really hard to imagine how all encompassing it feels. I had no idea before I started trying. You don't WANT it to; but it does. It's really all you can think about most of the time. Which is quite distracting and not at all productive. I get really really tired of thinking about it sometimes. Because trying to keep positive about it all the time? Is exhausting. Then watching a dad hold his 2 year old little boy's hand while they walk down steps when you're on your way to the subway just adds to the urgency and feeling of "not fair!".

I go back to the Dr. next week to check to see if the ureaplasma went away. I sure hope so! Also, I was talking to my acupuncturist last night, telling her that I had to talk to my Dr. about getting a clomid prescription so that I'd be ready to start it when I finally finish this cycle, and she said, "Well, you have to be prepared if he doesn't want to start you on clomid until Ian's morphology improves." You see, you can't just do Clomid every cycle until you get pregnant. Most doctors don't want you to do it for more than 6 cycles. So...it makes sense that we'd want the morphology to be higher before doing Clomid again. It just bums me out. I mean, Super D hasn't said we can't do clomid next cycle, but, he very well might. So, I have to be prepared. Prepared for possibly much more waiting.

Blah blah. my posts lately are not very well organized. But today I don't care because I miss carbs.

(not that I ate cake before this, because I was gluten and sugar free... but now that I can't have ANY starches... I want cake.)

But for now, I am living vicariously through internet pictures. :)


~M

a fresh outlook (aka- super doctor; the visit)

So, as you may have heard, I met with an new Dr. yesterday. Super Doctor, as I referred to him here. I asked him if we could call him that, or maybe if we could just call him Super D, but he wasn't down with that.*

Anyway, we got in there and he was down to business right away. Many, many questions (some REALLY personal)were asked. He had all of my paperwork that I had mailed in in April in front of him with tons of notes. You guys, he had little tabs on different pages and expertly and quickly flipped back and forth between pages. He also had some things memorized! Crazy. He had really looked this stuff over before our visit, so that was really nice to see.

So, what did he say, you ask? Well, first of all, thanks for asking! I'll tell you!

1. He said first and foremost, even though I don't ovulate regularly or as often as I should, I DO ovulate, and that is a really good thing. Not all women who have PCOS ovulate, so I'm happy that I do.

2. My thyroid is under active. I've known this, but my ObGyn said she didn't want to put me on thyroid, because she didn't think it was under active enough. He said that it was, and that most likely he will put me on a low dose of thyroid medication. He also said that this could make a big difference for me.

3. I might have been pregnant in January. Basically he said that my temperature chart did the initial spike, and then it went up again, which is often indicative of a pregnancy. I had some serious pregnancy symptoms that month, but I was also taking progesterone, so I thought that was what was causing the weird symptoms. But he said I may very well have been pregnant, and it just didn't "stick". Crazy. I'm not really sad about this, because if I WAS pregnant, I didn't know about it.

So, now we're moving forward with testing and waiting for results to see where we go from here. He took some blood to test my testosterone levels (because those had not been previously tested, and if I have an excess amount, that would really mess with things too) and I'll go in next week to get some blood drawn to test my fasting glucose. Basically, women with PCOS are often insulin resistant, but not always. My previous doc didn't test my glucose and just put me on metformin without checking if I WAS insulin resistant. So, he told me to stop taking it for now. If it turns out that I am, we may just have to do a higher dose. (Which kind of sucks, because metformin often makes me really nauseated.)

Ian is also getting his sperm tested again at a fancy pants lab that specializes in semen analysis. I'm sure they're still going to show up as the strongest-best-most-handsomest-sperm-on-the-planet, but better safe than sorry.

Anyway, we're just going to wait for those test results, and go from there. I will most likely be on clomid and either metformin or something else along with a thyroid medication for my next cycle.

It honestly at first was hard for me to leave the office and realize it was just more WAITING... but I know that's how this works. I am happy though, that I've got someone who really knows what he's doing.

That's it! I'll be updating as I get more news! I'm a little sad for more waiting but excited that we now have a new person looking at our situation, and I hope we start to see some results!

Now if I would only ovulate....

~ M




* I didn't do this. But it would have been funny. But, sadly, I didn't. I wanted to, but Ian said I couldn't. What a killjoy.

guilt and herbs

So, in trying to get pregnant, I've tried many things- as I've mentioned. I do acupuncture weekly. I take more vitamins and supplements than anyone should. I take my temperature every morning and chart it. I've had to drastically change my diet.

And I also drink these super gross tasting chinese herb tinctures.

I didn't have to drink them last month, because I was on the clomid. (you know- the clomid that didn't do a damn thing.) Anyway, since I'm not doing clomid this month, I'm back to the herbs, and MAN they taste worse than I thought.

I mix them with hot water and drink them 3 times a day, and it's ROUGH. It didn't seem as gross before, but I think after taking one month off, I'm just not used to it anymore.

Anyway, my point is this: I will love my baby with all my heart. I can't wait to have a little person to love unconditionally and hug and kiss. However, when they're teenagers? Or even younger and throwing horrible temper tantrums and they won't listen to me? I will make sure to let them know about all the gross stuff I had to drink so that I could bring them into this world.

Because you know, what's parenting- without a little guilt? ;)

~ M

i'm back!

So, I've been gone for a few days, because I was at a wedding in New Orleans! It was quite lovely.



On the fertility front, I finally got my period, so a new cycle is finally here. It was a 61 day cycle; jeez louise. So, this round of clomid was OBVIOUSLY not successful considering I never ovulated. But, onward and upward! At least I finally began a new cycle! Hooray to that!

~M

a weighty issue

My scale was not my friend this morning. Well, I guess it has never really been my friend. I knew I was retaining water this morning, and my pants felt a tiny bit snug, so I thought "hmm... I haven't weighed myself in a while, maybe I should just see where I am." Yeah. I kind of wish I hadn't done that. I realize I share a lot on this blog, but, dear readers, I will not be telling you my weight. I am TOO embarrassed by it. But, I have gained about 8 pounds this month. WHAT??? GAH.

I hate that it's so easy for me to gain weight and so difficult to lose it. When I first was diagnosed with PCOS, and read that one of the symptoms for many women was "difficulty losing weight" I was partially relieved to know that it wasn't my fault. But now I'm just mad. Really mad.

I hate that my weight is always on my mind. Every second; really- not an exaggeration. I'm so tired of thinking about it; it's exhausting. I feel like a broken record. But I know that it will never be something I can't focus on. It will be my lifelong struggle. And I realize that everyone has something like that, and I'm not unique in this regard. Everyone has a thing they perpetually struggle with.

Anyway, I've decided because of this, that I'm not going to do clomid this month. Instead, I'm going to use this month to just focus on losing some weight. I want to be as healthy as possible when I have my appointment with Dr. Sami David in May. This was a hard decision to make, because I was really looking forward to doing another round of clomid; hoping that it would really do what it was supposed to this time. The fact that I had a prescription for a higher dose just made me hopeful. But; it's more important that I'm healthy. So, this next cycle is just going to be all about trying to be healthier. Because baby or no baby, my health is vital. And I think it's time to take a little break from being so baby focused, and just focus on me. Because when baby Fraser DOES show up, I want to be a shining example of health and happiness for our little wee one.

~M

cake

So. Yesterday's birthday cake....It was sooooo good. :) yum. And at dinner? I broke every single dietary restriction, because, dammit, it was my birthday!! But it was super tasty and so fun, and my lovely husband gave me a wonderful birthday celebration.

Sadly though, it's back to reality today, and I feel SO sluggish and tired. Partly I think because I stayed up a little later than usual, but mostly, I think it's the diversion from my eating restrictions that did it. Anyway, back on the wagon today!

I think I'll do a long workout tonight to try and get my energy back up, and then early to bed for me!

I have to admit...I'm sort of at a loss these days about what to post here. I mean, I'm still just waiting waiting waiting for this cycle to end so I can start my new cycle of clomid. So, while I'm waiting... I guess you just get to hear about the cake I eat. Although, there won't really BE anymore cake being eaten...so...there goes THAT material. hmm. I better think about this before my 3 readers get bored and never come back! :)

~M

the 'rone- and other tools of the trade

So, as I discussed in my post a couple of days ago, I'm currently taking progesterone- or as I like to call it, "the 'rone"- to trick my body into thinking that it has ovulated. You see, my ovaries are lazy, and they don't plan on ovulating any time soon- even though they should have done so like 20 + days ago and even though I took clomid at the beginning of this cycle. So, I'm taking the 'rone to trick my body so that I'll finish up this cycle, so that I can start anew for the next cycle.
I'll be taking a higher dose of clomid to really kick those ovaries in the tush and get an egg out already! I'm a little nervous about it, and a little sad that I have to even take clomid. You see, when I started this whole endeavor back in June, I REALLY wanted to do everything naturally. Acupuncture, herbs, diet, whatever it took to regulate things. But, then with the PCOS diagnosis, and the fact that even with all of that, my cycles weren't changing; reality hit. I'd have to take some fertility drugs. This made me very sad. Somehow, it made me feel like less of a woman; like- my body can't do this on it's own. But, I have pretty much accepted it, and know it's just a reality of one of the things that my body needs to get knocked up.

Another thing I'm going to turn to this weekend, is my army of books that I've purchased since this whole endeavor began. I have books on fertility, and pregnancy, and metabolism (since PCOS is a metabolic disorder) and PCOS. I've read them all, but I think this weekend I'm going to flip through and read them again, just to see if I missed anything on the first read.

I like to be as educated as possible! It makes me feel like I have some control; although the reality is- I have very little! But, I like having a plan. So, my plan for the next few weeks: 'rone, clomid and more learnin'!

~M

shhhhhh! don't wake the ovaries!

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I had a doctor appt. yesterday evening. I had so much hope for this appt.! I just knew she'd take one look at my ovaries and tell me "Wow! Look at that huge follicle, just ready to drop a super-awesome egg!". And then I'd get all smug and say "Yeah, I figured. I mean, my ovaries might be kinda slow and all polycystic and whatnot, but they are rockstars when they need to be."

This, sadly, is not how it went.

First off- I waited not one, but TWO HOURS in the waiting room! Annoying. I did get caught up on my 'Glamour' and 'InStyle' magazines though. So that's a plus.

Anyhoo... once I was in there, I showed her my temp. chart and she agreed that I had definitely not ovulated. Then we took a look at my ovaries. They are doing NOTHING. They are just chillin' not doing a darn THING. Nothing. "Um, Hello ovaries??? You're EMBARRASSING me with your laziness! We have company! C'mon! Up and at 'em!" Sigh. They're just sleeping. Lazy ovaries.

I do think that I'm done with this doctor though. She's not a fertility doc, in her defense. But she was already saying that maybe I should just jump right to doing IVF. Yikes! Um, no thanks! Not ready for that yet! I think she's just tired of seeing me and getting no results. Yeah, me too doc! Anyway, she gave me a prescription for progesterone to hurry things along and get this cycle over with already, and then one for the next level of Clomid- to REALLY kick my lazy ovaries in the ass. Do ovaries HAVE asses? Not sure.

So... now we wait.

This is my LEAST favorite part. The waiting. Oh well. Onward!

~M