i am annoyed by me

If I were you, I'd be annoyed with the fact that all I talk about is fertility and my cycle and blah blah blah blah blah. I personally am thoroughly annoyed by thinking about it all the time. So, listening to it, well, I imagine that must not be pleasant. Sorry, y'all. It's all I think about.

Because until you actually find yourself trying to get pregnant, it's really hard to imagine how all encompassing it feels. I had no idea before I started trying. You don't WANT it to; but it does. It's really all you can think about most of the time. Which is quite distracting and not at all productive. I get really really tired of thinking about it sometimes. Because trying to keep positive about it all the time? Is exhausting. Then watching a dad hold his 2 year old little boy's hand while they walk down steps when you're on your way to the subway just adds to the urgency and feeling of "not fair!".

I go back to the Dr. next week to check to see if the ureaplasma went away. I sure hope so! Also, I was talking to my acupuncturist last night, telling her that I had to talk to my Dr. about getting a clomid prescription so that I'd be ready to start it when I finally finish this cycle, and she said, "Well, you have to be prepared if he doesn't want to start you on clomid until Ian's morphology improves." You see, you can't just do Clomid every cycle until you get pregnant. Most doctors don't want you to do it for more than 6 cycles. So...it makes sense that we'd want the morphology to be higher before doing Clomid again. It just bums me out. I mean, Super D hasn't said we can't do clomid next cycle, but, he very well might. So, I have to be prepared. Prepared for possibly much more waiting.

Blah blah. my posts lately are not very well organized. But today I don't care because I miss carbs.

(not that I ate cake before this, because I was gluten and sugar free... but now that I can't have ANY starches... I want cake.)

But for now, I am living vicariously through internet pictures. :)


~M