here I am!

Oh. So, I haven't written for a week. I think this might be my longest hiatus from blogging ever. Sorry, bout that guys! I really just haven't had a lot to report… combined with the fact that some of the stuff I COULD report…I didn't really want to. So, there ya have it. My excuse. :) Onward!

This week was a weird one. Not super crazy wacky weird, but I felt weird about a lot of things. I blame the clomid. Messing with your hormones does crazy things. So, on Sunday I started my clomid for this cycle and took it for 5 days- finished up yesterday. So, hopefully, my ovaries are doing their thang, and getting all ready to pop out some awesome eggs. Dr. D upped the dosage of clomid this month, so, we'll see what that does. I really really hope that all systems are a go, and that things are happening the way they should. I go in on Monday to get an ultrasound to check out my follicles, to see when we can do the IUI. (And for my non-fertility following friends out there, IUI stand for Intra Uterine Insemination- you can read about it here, if you so choose). See? See how I keep you so informed and knowlegeable? You're welcome. I've given you the PERFECT cocktail party convo topic. Really- just bring it up to a random stranger. They'll be all impressed with your phat fertility knowledge.

Speaking of the IUI, Ian and I had some talks about that this week. He said he sometimes feels (and I completely agree and understand) that doing an IUI is "cheating". I mean, we were able to get pregnant before "the old fashioned way" , so why shouldn't we try that again? Well, the reason we are fairly sure we're going to do an IUI this time, is because of the trauma Ian's poor sperms have been through lately. See, he has had pain issues in his nether-regions for about a year now (that's right- a YEAR. We truly are the household of broken junk. Poor guy!). Well, when we got pregnant, Ian started being more aggressive (as per his Physical Therapist's instructions) with trying to fix things, since we no longer had to worry about his sperm quality for a while. One of the things he did was take hot baths every night for a couple of weeks. Well, if any of you are familiar with the "things-dudes-have-to-stop-doing-whilst-trying-to-knock-up-their-women"; taking hot baths or being in hot tubs is a no-no. Also, he had gone back to having the occasional drink, because well, I was already pregnant. Oh, but then I miscarried. SOOO…. the baths, the alcohol… well, they very well could have affected his soldiers. We don't know for SURE, but it could have. ANYhoo- this is why we are strongly considering the IUI this time. Because before they do the IUI, they take his sperms and they separate the good ones out by spinning them in a centrifuge thing, so only the top notch ones are deployed during the IUI. No slow-moes getting in the way. So, if there did happen to be any damage done with the baths and the martinis, we can hopefully still have millions of guys that were NOT affected. Especially since as soon as I miscarried, he stopped with the baths. However, even with all of this, our odds will be only SLIGHTLY increased; but not a ton. Just very slightly.

So, there's the other risk for me; getting my hopes up that since we're doing this all "fancy schmancy scientific like"; that we'll for SURE get pregnant! Because nope; the chance still hovers around 15-25%.

Anyway, are we cheating doing it this way? Maybe. It's not ideally how I'd like for it to happen. But, I also don't want it to take another year and a half. I want a baby. No, I'm still not willing to do IVF- and we don't need to- but I think I can handle this. Sometimes though, it feels a little like I imagine women who had to give birth via c-section might feel. Like, yes, you had your baby, but you didn't birth them in the traditional sense. I know that from what I've read on other blogs, that this can sometimes be really hard for women, because they feel like they didn't get the experience of actually delivering the baby naturally. They didn't "pay their dues". Of course, we all realize that no matter HOW you bring a baby into this world; natural birth, epidural, c-section, adoption; you are a rock star mom. So, I need to keep telling myself that if I do an IUI, it doesn't make me any less of a woman or Ian any less of a man. If it brings us a beautiful baby to love; then that's all that matters.

I'll keep you in the loop with Monday's results as to how my follicles are doing. Cross your fingers. :)

Have a lovely weekend, all.

~M