tests, recaps, etc.

So, I'm tired. And I just don't have it in me to come up with a witty title. Thus, the lame title.

So as you know, I went in to the doctor on Friday to see where my little follicle was. I found out that I had a follicle on my left ovary that was 14mm. A mature follicle is 17mm.... so, it was almost there! Super D told me that I'd most likely ovulate by Monday, and if I hadn't by Tuesday, to come in. He also told me to take OPK tests on Saturday, Sunday, Monday to see if I was going to ovulate. I told him that they never work for me, but he told me to just give it a try in case.

Saturday- negative
Sunday- negative
Monday- negative

Was I surprised? No, not really. I was just convinced that my body doesn't register on those tests (they say specifically if you're on fertility meds or have PCOS that the tests may not work. Since both apply to me, it's not surprising that they don't work).

So, I went in today as he requested. I thought I'd go in, the follicle would be mature, he'd give me that magic shot he gave me last time, and blammo! Ovulation!

Yeah, no.

He did the ultrasound. Looked around all up in my bizness. Guess what? The follicle is now GONE. Now, there is one logical explanation for this- I ovulated! Except. Except my temp did not go up. It always goes up when I ovulate. It goes up when most people ovulate! The other explanation- the follicle went away. Is this possible? Can't be, right? Sadly, yes. So... I thought this was going to be a normal cycle. But, it very well may not be. I'm going in tomorrow to get some blood drawn to test my estrogen and progesterone to see if I've ovulated. If so, coolio, if not, I have to do a SECOND round of clomid/dexamethasone. That's right; 2 rounds of fertility drugs in one cycle. Because it seems as if my body rides the short bus, and doesn't know what to do when it gets fertility drugs.

On the Ian front, he got all of his tests back. Basically, some of it confirmed what we knew already; Good sperm count, 15% normal morphology (which, on some websites it says is on the low end normal and other sites say it's just low), and a new piece of info, his motility (how fast/well the guys move) is now a little slow (it was normal before). Good news is, he seems to have a good DNA structure to his boys. He's getting one more test this week to confirm that, but at least that's good. His doctor now recommends we do an IUI. I spoke to my doctor about it today and he said he'd look everything over. First of all, if I didn't ovulate, we have to get that ready to happen before we consider an IUI. So, that's the first step.

I feel like I could write more and more about this, but as I mentioned, I'm just tired and just wanted to update the basics.

We are both getting increasingly frustrated and discouraged, but I'm fighting to remain hopeful. I want this to work. We want this to work. We are more than ready to add to our little family of two.

I'll let y'all know what the blood tests say tomorrow.

~M

yay for long weekends!

I am so excited for this long weekend. Nothing huge planned; probably a trip to the Farmer's market on Saturday, then babysitting for Vera- the cutest baby ever, and on Sunday, Ian and I are going to take a short little trip up to Peekskill, NY for a little carnival/festival Memorial Day thing. We'll just hop on the train right by us and stay there for the day. I'm excited; I like small town festival things. I'd also like to see the new Sex and the City movie this weekend. Lots of things to keep me distracted from my stupid BBT chart!

I hope you all have a lovely Memorial Day weekend!

xoxo

~M

bye bye, carbs.

So, no ovulation yet. Day 51. That's right; in just 5 days, I could have already had 2 "average" 28 day cycles. In full. And I haven't even ovulated yet.

Oh well. Not much to be done about it.

It was a hard weekend. Ian and I are both just having a really rough time. When you start this process, it's really hard to think about anything else. Especially when you're dealing with physical pain every day, like Ian is. And when we can see our finances slowly draining (luckily still slowly so far- though I know it's going to start speeding up soon). Also, any time you see a baby. Bam. Reminder. Any time I see a pregnant woman; Bam. Reminder.

And, every time I think about food; I'm reminded. I hope someday I love food again. But, I hate it now. I hate it. I've been doing fairly well with my food choices of late. Yes, I've had wheat a couple of times, and sugar a couple of times. But most of the time, I do really well. Which I was pleased with; because all the books I read said "if you're good 80% of the time, that's just fine." Well, I knew I was good at LEAST 80% of the time- if not more.

Anyway, my acupuncturist told me this morning that she wants to emphasize my diet with me again. Since my body is holding on to weight like crazy, and not ovulating, I just need to cut all starches and most carbs. Basically protein, veggies and limited low GI fruits (berries and apples). It's not like I haven't tried to do this before. I mean, I've talked about it plenty of times: here and here. But, it was always sort of my own choice; like "oh, I'm not losing any weight just doing gluten and sugar free, so I'm going to be more restrictive." And it works for a while, but it always ends up being too hard. So, I go back to eating starches. Still gluten free and whole grain, but starches nonetheless. Initially I was only supposed to not eat wheat and sugar and dairy. But, I've lost no weight (actually gained weight), so clearly, something else needs to change. Also, this is my longest cycle. So, I understand the more restrictive diet....it's just hard. Because as I've mentioned before; I'm picky. I don't like fish, I don't really like eggs (they're ok, but I can't eat them every day), I don't like tofu, I don't like mushrooms.... the list goes on. So, it just becomes difficult when I can only really eat protein and veggies when there are so many proteins I don't like.

Here is my lunch today. It tasted better than it looks. It was turkey (really good, marinated white turkey), tomatoes with basil, and bell peppers and red onion.



So, this will all be hard. Harder than it has been. But, I'm going to do my darndest with it. Because, well, I have to. But I'm sure going to miss my oatmeal.

~M

google isn't always your friend

Especially when you're trying to get pregnant. I have googled SO many things. Today, I decided to google about the antibiotic I'm taking for my ureaplasma, doxycycline. First of all, I hate this antibiotic. It is wicked. I almost threw up on the subway the first morning I took it, and then the following morning at home, I actually DID throw up. It's harsh stuff.

So, I googled "doxycycline and pregnancy". You see, even though I'm on day 48 of my cycle and no ovulation yet, I'm still hopeful that we'll be able to time it right. However, then I read this:

"Doxycycline is typically not recommended for women who are expecting. The medicine may cause permanent tooth discoloration in the child, and may even affect bone formation. If pregnancy occurs while you are taking doxycycline, make sure to talk to your health care provider about the potential risks and benefits of using this antibiotic."

Ok. Well, I'm NOT expecting, and I actually finish this antibiotic on Sunday morning, but still. Permanent tooth discoloration? YES, there are worse things, but that would suck. I have no idea if that means that my egg is affected this cycle, or what. But, it worries me just a little bit. See, Google- not always your friend.

Anyway, I have to take the tough stuff, because this is the 2nd time I've had it, so- have to get rid of it. I really hate drugs though. I wish with all of my heart that my damn cycle would just regulate itself, and that I wouldn't have to take fertility drugs. Seriously; I went in to this saying "I never want to take fertility drugs." Ha. Little did I know my body was going to be so uncooperative.

Also, I googled "is it possible to ovulate without seeing a temperature rise"; thinking- hey, maybe it's possible, and I've actually ovulated, but there's just no temp shift!

yeah, it's not possible.

oh.

Today I decided to enter the 21st century, and start charting my cycles online instead of only on paper. I'll still do paper, so that I can take them in to my acupuncturist for her to add to my charts, but doing it on a computer you can keep track of so many different factors going on that specific day. I took a cue from my new friend Kate, over at the kid thing. She always posts her charts from fertility friend. So, I'm gonna give it a whirl this weekend and enter all of my cycles since June of '09. I'm nerdily kind of excited.

I'm in a slightly better mood than I was yesterday. Yesterday was a hard day. Many tears on my part- for no real specific reason. I think maybe I'm happier because today is Friday, and Fridays are awesome! It's lovely here in New York today; 82 and sunny.

Hey, you know what I noticed? I start a lot of sentences with "So,...". I only did it once in this post, but I noticed in going back in other posts that I tend to do that. Isn't that so interesting?

no?

? ?

Ok, no.

Aaaaaaaanyway, that's all. This is a very random post. And fairly uninteresting. And just kind of jumps around a lot. Sorry 'bout that.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! I might write an entry this weekend if I do happen to ovulate. (Keep your fingers crossed!!!)

~M


p.s.

do you want to see the cutest thing ever totally unrelated to fertility?

ok, here you go!