worn out

I'm tired. I'm tired of all of this. Tired of fertility stuff, tired of staring at my chart wondering when or if I'll actually ovulate, tired of herbs, vitamins, temperatures, weight issues, food issues.... just, all of it. I don't know why I'm feeling this way now; but I feel like I've lost a little hope. No, not ALL hope. I still know it's possible and that we'll hopefully be able to have a baby someday. I think probably my meeting with the super doctor will help get my hopes back up.

But right now... right now- my heart hurts. My brain hurts; tired of all the "what ifs".

I'm just tired.

~M

guilt and herbs

So, in trying to get pregnant, I've tried many things- as I've mentioned. I do acupuncture weekly. I take more vitamins and supplements than anyone should. I take my temperature every morning and chart it. I've had to drastically change my diet.

And I also drink these super gross tasting chinese herb tinctures.

I didn't have to drink them last month, because I was on the clomid. (you know- the clomid that didn't do a damn thing.) Anyway, since I'm not doing clomid this month, I'm back to the herbs, and MAN they taste worse than I thought.

I mix them with hot water and drink them 3 times a day, and it's ROUGH. It didn't seem as gross before, but I think after taking one month off, I'm just not used to it anymore.

Anyway, my point is this: I will love my baby with all my heart. I can't wait to have a little person to love unconditionally and hug and kiss. However, when they're teenagers? Or even younger and throwing horrible temper tantrums and they won't listen to me? I will make sure to let them know about all the gross stuff I had to drink so that I could bring them into this world.

Because you know, what's parenting- without a little guilt? ;)

~ M