change of focus

Well, not necessarily a change. But this week I've really been examining my life and my day-to-day living, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I honestly think in this last almost year, I've been in a bit of a funk, and I think some of it is due to how hard this whole baby makin' thing is. I think I tend to turn a lot of the "blame" onto myself; since it's my body with the issues. And I know what you're thinking.."It's not your fault!". And you'd be right. To a degree. No, the fact that I have PCOS is not my fault. But the fact that I've let it make me sad for so long- is. Yes, I've done a lot to help it; change in diet, acupuncture, no caffeine, very little alcohol; all things that you're supposed to do. So for that; I am proud of myself.

One thing I need to work on a lot harder though; is getting exercise. I sit ALL day. I have an hour commute in to work, and an hour back (which makes sense, considering the hour IN to work…) and I sit at a desk all day. Well, right there, that's 10 hours of sitting. Yes, I get up as often as I can during the day, but the majority is just sitting…sitting…sitting. And truthfully? It's exhausting. I hate it.

For the longest time, after I was diagnosed with PCOS, I just decided I'd focus on the things I was supposed to remove from my diet; sugar, wheat, dairy, and the weight would probably just come off naturally. Well, it didn't. But, I was indignant, and felt like I was eating healthfully, and just didn't have the mental energy to also try and portion control and exercise. So, I didn't. Oh, don't get me wrong. I've done some exercising since last June, but it hasn't been consistent enough to see results. And my portion controlling; well, that just hasn't happened.

I talked to Ian about it last weekend, and told him my frustrations. I told him that I WISHED that I could just do something like Jenny Craig, so that all my meals would be planned out for me and I wouldn't have to THINK about food. But, I have no interest in eating all those preservatives and chemicals; much less the wheat, dairy and sugar that is probably in all of the meals. I'm JUST SO TIRED of thinking about food. Anyway, my brilliant, supportive husband, suggested that every 2 weeks on Sunday, we plan out two weeks of meals. Make ahead as many things as possible (with healthy, organic foods) and freeze them. Anything we're not freezing, we'll just make sure we have the ingredients for, and I won't have to think about my meals; it will be planned. I know that meal planning isn't a new idea, but I've never tried it to this extreme; and I'm excited to see if it works.

As for the exercise, I belong to a gym and have MANY exercise DVDs, so I just need to get going and stick to it. I'm also going to plan THIS out (can you tell I like plans? I really do.) so that I won't have to think about it every day.

Anyway, I titled this "Change of Focus" because I've decided at least for now, I'm switching my focus from "trying-my-damnedest-to-get-knocked-up-already" to "just being a healthier me". Don’t get me wrong; I'll still be doing all I can to get a bun in the oven, but I need to focus on me and my health right now. I know it will help everything, and I'll feel better and happier in general. And that is important.

~M