skip to main |
skip to sidebar
So, there’s no denying it; when you get pregnant- you are inevitably going to get bigger. You can’t avoid it. And when you’re pregnant with twins, you’re going to get even bigger than that. And when you started out as not a small person to begin with; well, say goodbye to your toes. You won’t be seeing them for a while.
Having a gigantic belly is something I’m quite aware of. There isn’t really any part of the day where I’m surprised to look down and see the basketball sized bump under my shirt. And for the most part, people have been very nice about the fact that the bump just keeps getting bigger and bigger. In fact, I read other blogs or hear other people’s stories about how people are always commenting on how big they are, and up until a few weeks ago, I thought I was one of the lucky ones that was going to escape people’s comments.
I was wrong.
Now, I haven’t had too many yet; but they’re starting to escalate. And since I look like a full term pregnant lady (women with twins generally measure 8 weeks ahead of those having one), I assume once I PASS looking full term, and just ginormous, the comments will continue to happen.
Some people (these are people I know- not strangers) just keep saying “Wow, you just keep getting bigger and bigger” or “wow, you’re just huge!”, every time I see them. Ok, yes. This might be true. But so far this is only women friends saying this to me. Now, ladies. Even though I’m pregnant, (and as I mentioned before, it’s a given that I’ll get bigger), when have you EVER wanted someone to say “wow! You’re big!” to you? Maybe you don’t care if you were already petite to begin with, but if you’re ever someone who has struggled with body image, having someone say “Holy crap! You’re huge!” doesn’t really feel good. Yes, I know it’s hard not to comment. But couldn’t you say something like, “Those babies sure are growing!” or “what a lovely belly!” or SOMEthing?
Now, as far as the comments from strangers, I’ve only had two official ones. I HAVE, however, had lots of people blatantly stare; and not look away for a long time. The first comment was a gentleman visiting our office. I was seating him in a conference room, and he asked when I was due. I gave my standard response, “Around the end of June, with twins.” I have to add the “with twins” part, so that people realize why I already look like I’m going to pop. His response? “Oh, with twins. Well, that makes sense. I was going to say, ‘End of June? But you’re already so big!’ but now that I know it’s twins, that makes sense.” Um, was it really necessary to tell me what rude thing you were GOING to say?
And finally, I had a very “New York” rude comment this morning on my way out of Grand Central Station. This guy with a very thick New York accent saw me walking down the street and as he passed me he LOUDLY said “Whoa! That HAS to be twins! Whoa!” and just kept walking by, like he wasn’t saying it to me, just generally commenting. Nice.
Sigh. I know that some people just can’t help it. And most of the time, I honestly don’t care. But I just wish that sometimes people would think about what they’re saying, BEFORE they say it. I’m not saying you have to ignore the fact that it looks like I’m smuggling a watermelon, but you know, try to be nice about it.
~M
How far along? 16 weeks 1 day!
Total weight gain/loss: Up a total of four pounds in 16 weeks. I was really worried about that and asked at my OBGYN appointment yesterday. She was like "No, that's great! You easily could have been up 15 by now." Still, I'm going to try harder in the next few weeks to really monitor portions and add in a little more exercise. I haven't been doing much exercise, so, I need to get on that now that I have a bit more energy.
Stretch marks? Negatory.
Maternity clothes? Yep! Along with the clothes I've purchased, I got a huge box of clothes from Target and Old Navy from my sister and mother-in-law! So sweet of them. :)
Sleep: Still pretty decent. Though recently my body has decided I should wake up every morning at 6am on the dot, and then I have trouble going back to sleep for an hour before I have to get up. It kinda sucks!
Best moment this week: Finding out that we're having two GIRLS! I honestly know I would have been happy with any combo; boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl- but just knowing is just so exciting and makes it all the more real. And it was so wonderful that Ian was there with me- just a great moment!
Movement: Not yet- maybe in 2-3 weeks? I hope so!
Food cravings: Last night I really wanted Mac and Cheese. So, I had some. It was Amy's brand, so it was organic; which made me feel a LITTLE better. :)
Genders: GIRLS! Ian is so outnumbered; we'll have to make sure he gets lots of guy's nights out.
Labor Signs: Nope- thank goodness!
Belly Button in or out? It's in.
What I miss: Honestly, nothing. I am loving being pregnant. I don't even care about the fatigue or breathlessness when I climb the 100 stairs up to our apartment every day. (Yep, there's 100!) I just am really happy and feel really darn lucky.
What I am looking forward to: My next big ultrasound in 3 1/2 weeks. It's another anatomy ultrasound, so it will be a long one, and I can see them for at least 30 minutes. Such a treat!
Weekly Wisdom: Having babies means acquiring a lot of STUFF. And we haven't even begun to collect what we'll need! Our poor little one bedroom apartment is looking a tad cluttered.
Milestones: Knowing the sexes! Also, not really a milestone per se, but at my appointment yesterday, my blood pressure is still AWESOME at 110/70, she's happy with my weight gain, the babies are in the 70th and 72nd percentile for size, and my doctor said she couldn't be more pleased about how it's all going. So, that's awesome news. :)
Also, this week, the babies are the size of turnips! That's kind of crazy- in a good way. I read today that they most definitely can hear now, and are starting to be able to sense light (though their eyelids are still fused shut). So, lots more singing and talking to the little turnips will have to happen starting this week!
Happy Wednesday!~M
Sorry for the long gap in posts, my friends. Really, I just didn't have a lot to report. I've just been in the "waiting" period, waiting for a new cycle to start so that we could officially start trying again. In the meantime, I've been doing weight watchers for 5 weeks and have lost a total of 6 pounds. If you'll recall, last week I was up 2.2 pounds. Well, this week I lost 1.2 pounds, so, I've ALMOST gotten rid of what I inexplicably gained the prior week. I'm very happy I lost, but a little bummed that I didn't completely get rid of that stupid 2.2 pounds. Oh well. Next week.
Anyway, I guess it wasn't SO inexplicable, given that I was on progesterone, and apparently progesterone makes you gain weight. Whee. I had been on it trying to induce my period so that we could reset things. Anyway, it worked! As of yesterday- I've started a brand new cycle. This is the most excited I've ever been to be crampy, bloated, irritable and breaking out. This Sunday I'll start the clomid and dexamethasone (my wonder ovulation drugs) and take those for 5 days and hopefully get some ovulation goin'! Then I am going to the doctor on the 18th to get a sonogram and then hopefully we'll do an IUI that week. I may just be projecting, but I'm pretty sure I can feel that my ovaries are psyched to do a really good job this month. I can tell they are ready to ROCK this.
Honestly, I hope I'm able to get pregnant faster this time. I have hope (?) that I could, (only because we know so much more about the drug combo that works for me, and various other things about my cycle/body) but I don't want to get my hopes up TOO much. I just feel like I don't have as much patience this time around. It's not an angry impatience… it's more of a "I've already had a taste of what could be, and I can't wait another YEAR for it! Hurry up, body!" kind of impatience. Anyway, I know that I just have to be patient, because there's no way to rush it. I just have to do everything I can, trust my doctor, and hope that it works. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
On another, totally unrelated note, I think I'm going to widen my horizons a tiny bit when it comes to this blog. You see, originally I had intended for it to be a place to chart/vent/journal my trip down infertility lane, but I also wanted to throw in a little splash of other things going on in my life. I tried a couple of times, (like here and here) but the baby stuff always blurred into it. So, I'm going to start trying to occasionally just blog about my non baby-makin' part of life, and non-baby things on my mind. We'll see how it goes.
SO! I'm excited. New start, new cycle, new hope- and all during a new season- Fall! Fall is my favorite and it's definitely arrived here (FINALLY!) in New York, so maybe all this newness happening at the beginning of Fall is an omen. An omen that good things are on the horizon- and I'm ready!
~M
So, no ovulation yet. Day 51. That's right; in just 5 days, I could have already had 2 "average" 28 day cycles. In full. And I haven't even ovulated yet.
Oh well. Not much to be done about it.
It was a hard weekend. Ian and I are both just having a really rough time. When you start this process, it's really hard to think about anything else. Especially when you're dealing with physical pain every day, like Ian is. And when we can see our finances slowly draining (luckily still slowly so far- though I know it's going to start speeding up soon). Also, any time you see a baby. Bam. Reminder. Any time I see a pregnant woman; Bam. Reminder.
And, every time I think about food; I'm reminded. I hope someday I love food again. But, I hate it now. I hate it. I've been doing fairly well with my food choices of late. Yes, I've had wheat a couple of times, and sugar a couple of times. But most of the time, I do really well. Which I was pleased with; because all the books I read said "if you're good 80% of the time, that's just fine." Well, I knew I was good at LEAST 80% of the time- if not more.
Anyway, my acupuncturist told me this morning that she wants to emphasize my diet with me again. Since my body is holding on to weight like crazy, and not ovulating, I just need to cut all starches and most carbs. Basically protein, veggies and limited low GI fruits (berries and apples). It's not like I haven't tried to do this before. I mean, I've talked about it plenty of times: here and here. But, it was always sort of my own choice; like "oh, I'm not losing any weight just doing gluten and sugar free, so I'm going to be more restrictive." And it works for a while, but it always ends up being too hard. So, I go back to eating starches. Still gluten free and whole grain, but starches nonetheless. Initially I was only supposed to not eat wheat and sugar and dairy. But, I've lost no weight (actually gained weight), so clearly, something else needs to change. Also, this is my longest cycle. So, I understand the more restrictive diet....it's just hard. Because as I've mentioned before; I'm picky. I don't like fish, I don't really like eggs (they're ok, but I can't eat them every day), I don't like tofu, I don't like mushrooms.... the list goes on. So, it just becomes difficult when I can only really eat protein and veggies when there are so many proteins I don't like.
Here is my lunch today. It tasted better than it looks. It was turkey (really good, marinated white turkey), tomatoes with basil, and bell peppers and red onion.
So, this will all be hard. Harder than it has been. But, I'm going to do my darndest with it. Because, well, I have to. But I'm sure going to miss my oatmeal.
~M
I'm tired. I'm tired of all of this. Tired of fertility stuff, tired of staring at my chart wondering when or if I'll actually ovulate, tired of herbs, vitamins, temperatures, weight issues, food issues.... just, all of it. I don't know why I'm feeling this way now; but I feel like I've lost a little hope. No, not ALL hope. I still know it's possible and that we'll hopefully be able to have a baby someday. I think probably my meeting with the super doctor will help get my hopes back up. But right now... right now- my heart hurts. My brain hurts; tired of all the "what ifs". I'm just tired. ~M
My scale was not my friend this morning. Well, I guess it has never really been my friend. I knew I was retaining water this morning, and my pants felt a tiny bit snug, so I thought "hmm... I haven't weighed myself in a while, maybe I should just see where I am." Yeah. I kind of wish I hadn't done that. I realize I share a lot on this blog, but, dear readers, I will not be telling you my weight. I am TOO embarrassed by it. But, I have gained about 8 pounds this month. WHAT??? GAH. I hate that it's so easy for me to gain weight and so difficult to lose it. When I first was diagnosed with PCOS, and read that one of the symptoms for many women was "difficulty losing weight" I was partially relieved to know that it wasn't my fault. But now I'm just mad. Really mad. I hate that my weight is always on my mind. Every second; really- not an exaggeration. I'm so tired of thinking about it; it's exhausting. I feel like a broken record. But I know that it will never be something I can't focus on. It will be my lifelong struggle. And I realize that everyone has something like that, and I'm not unique in this regard. Everyone has a thing they perpetually struggle with. Anyway, I've decided because of this, that I'm not going to do clomid this month. Instead, I'm going to use this month to just focus on losing some weight. I want to be as healthy as possible when I have my appointment with Dr. Sami David in May. This was a hard decision to make, because I was really looking forward to doing another round of clomid; hoping that it would really do what it was supposed to this time. The fact that I had a prescription for a higher dose just made me hopeful. But; it's more important that I'm healthy. So, this next cycle is just going to be all about trying to be healthier. Because baby or no baby, my health is vital. And I think it's time to take a little break from being so baby focused, and just focus on me. Because when baby Fraser DOES show up, I want to be a shining example of health and happiness for our little wee one.
Posts
