working it out, part deux

So, it seems as though this week, my babies are each the length of an ear of corn- 11.5 inches from head to toe. And, they supposedly weigh 1.5 pounds each! That’s crazy. I’ll see what they actually are next Friday for their growth ultrasound.

Let’s see, what else, what else….

Oh, exercise! I said I was going to write about it and I never did because I got all gloomy gus about my weight gain. So, I’ll talk about it now. When I was pregnant the first time, I showed you all the cool videos I had, but I never got a chance to do them during that pregnancy. So, I’m going to break ‘em out now.

On Monday, I did my Summer Sanders prenatal workout. I like it a lot. I did the express 2nd trimester workout, which is 30 minutes, but this weekend I’ll do the full length one. I don’t actually know how long that one is, but I’m guessing 45-50 minutes.


I also plan on doing this Kathy Smith one this weekend, because mostly I can’t wait to see how AWESOME the rapping section is. Yep, there’s a section where they rap, in their leotards, tights, sunglasses and backwards hats.

I can’t wait.

I also have this yoga video which I haven’t tried yet, and may try to do this weekend if I have the energy, but most likely will wait until next week.

So, I think I have my bases covered and I’m really going to try to do something 3 times a week from here on out. Maybe every Friday I’ll let you know what I did to hold me more accountable. (I know. Try not to get too excited about hearing about my weekly workouts. It’s pretty scintillating stuff.) I am not doing this to lose any weight; I’m doing this to be as healthy as I can to help with delivery and so that my babies are healthy. I also know that you tend to be able to lose your post-pregnancy weight faster if you’ve been exercising during pregnancy, so that’s a plus.

So, that’s my Friday news! Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

~M

my diet and exercise history

Exercise, diet and I have a long, on-again off-again relationship. As a teen, I didn’t have the most active Jr. high/high school experience. You see, I took a LOT of music classes, and because of this, they let me bump my Phys. Ed. I took PE in Jr. high, but in high school, I believe I only had to take one quarter of it, because I was in 3 different choirs. Should they have let me do this? Meh- who knows. I was never very sporty or athletic, so I highly doubt PE would have changed that for me. But, physical exercise and movement is important… so, who knows what would have been best.

I tried in high school a couple of times to lose some weight, but really, I wasn’t that overweight. Maybe 15 pounds or so. I mean, that’s not NOTHING, but it wasn’t horrible. Never really succeeded though, and carried my extra weight into college.

In college, I gained the freshman 15-ish, and as I said, I was already probably about 15 pounds overweight. So, in my sophomore year of college, my roommate and I went on our very own design of a weight loss plan. It really wasn’t much of a weight loss plan; but when you’re 19 and you’ve never been much of an exerciser, then you add in exercise 5 days a week, plus cutting calories, the weight comes off pretty easily. Ah, the metabolism of high school/college. For exercise we did a Kathy Smith work out tape as often as we could, and that’s pretty much it. We also cut calories in probably a not very healthy way. I mean, we didn’t starve ourselves, but we still didn’t eat that healthily. Just ate LESS of the junk we were already eating. It worked though, and when Is started my junior year, I was down about 35 pounds.

Throughout the rest of college, I kept the weight off MOSTLY, but probably gained back about 10 pounds. I wasn’t really exercising, but I was really busy, so that helped.

In my early 20’s, I slowly started gaining it back, so my friend Jamie and I went on Weight Watchers. We also started working out together every weekday morning. It worked swimmingly, and I lost about 40 pounds. Then, I broke my foot. This was devastating to me, because I had been doing so well, and still wanted to lose a little weight, but because of my injury, I couldn’t exercise, and I got depressed. I gained back about 20 pounds.

The next time I lost weight was when I was doing a show, and found out I had to be in a bathing suit on stage. Now, granted, it was a 1940’s bathing suit so there was a little more coverage, but a bathing suit nonetheless. I started doing Weight Watchers again, and also started running. I had very little free time, as I went straight from work to the show, but had about an hour after I arrived before I had to start getting ready for the show so I started running during that time. I wasn’t a very fast runner, but I’d run for 30-45 minutes, take a shower, and then do a very dance heavy show for two hours. I probably lost about 20 pounds during that show.

Sadly, it’s all uphill from there. We moved to California for two months because my husband got a show, and then moved straight there to New York. I just slowly gained and gained. I think I gained because we were lonely and didn’t have many friends, and didn’t know what we were doing in this big city, and, I was in my 30’s; my metabolism slowed down. Then I discovered I had PCOS, which explained why weight loss had always been a little slow going for me. I tried a couple of times to lose weight while living here, and I think I was able to lose maybe 10 pounds each time, but then would gain it back.

When we started trying to conceive; I really wanted to lose weight beforehand. But, I had a lot to lose, and once we decided we were ready, we wanted to start right away. I think I knew it was going to be hard for us to conceive with my wonky cycles, so I didn’t want to waste time. When we started trying and nothing was happening, and then we started facing hurdle after hurdle, I slowly started to gain weight. I was depressed and discouraged. You’d think I was gaining weight because I was gorging myself or something, but no, I had just stopped paying really close attention, and the weight slowly climbed up.

After my miscarriage, the bottom just kind of dropped out of our worlds. I think I gained another 5-10 pounds after this happened. And now we’re here. I’m pregnant with twins, and started out at a not very desirable weight.

I think and worry about it constantly. I don’t want to get so huge that I can’t move around very well. I mean, this will already happen since I’m carrying twins, but if I gain too much weight, how will my frame carry it all? I don’t want gestational diabetes. Now, I know that GD doesn’t only happen to overweight women. It can happen even if you’re a perfectly normal weight. But with my extra weight and my PCOS, and my twins, my risk goes up.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and I will face the dreaded scale. So far, by some miracle, I’ve only gained four pounds. I am worried about my weigh in tomorrow though, because I read that starting this week, weight gain will happen faster. The babies are growing faster. Of course I want them to grow. Grow babies, grow! I’d just prefer that my ass, thighs, and arms don’t grow along with them. My doctor had said it would be great if I could only gain a total of 15 pounds. It makes me nervous that I only have 11 more pounds I can gain from now until the end of June. I mean, that’s a little over 16 weeks. So, to do this, I can only gain a little over a half a pound a week from now until the end. GULP.

SO. What to do. Even though I should have been doing this all along; I’m going to start exercising. Why haven’t I yet? Well, mostly because I’ve been tired. All of my first trimester I was just exhausted. Couldn’t make myself do much of anything except for go to work and come home. Now that I’m 2/3 of the way through my 2nd trimester, I’m realizing; this isn’t going to get any easier. I just have to start now. I have 3 pregnancy tapes, and I plan on also doing some walking. I can’t do anything too totally crazy, because I wasn’t working out too heavily before I was pregnant, so I can’t change things up so dramatically. But, I can get some in, and hopefully be healthier for me, and for the babies.

I’m going to work out tonight when I get home, and I’ll let you know how it goes. I’m not really looking forward to it, as I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m already tired. But I know it’s for the best, for me and my two girls. So, it will be a focus of mine from now all the way through my pregnancy. Wish me luck! :)

~M

2.2 pounds of frustration

So, as you may remember- I'm doing Weight Watchers in order to get a little healthier while we're waiting for the next cycle to start. I've been doing SO well; tracking all my food, working out 3-5 times a week, and as of last week, I had lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks. That's an average of 2.3 pounds a week, people! Woo hoo!

Anyway, I go in to my weekly meeting tonight, feeling pretty good. A little bloated maybe, but c'mon- I'm on a roll! I was expecting at LEAST a pound gone.

Instead?

GAINED 2.2 pounds.

WTF????????

So irritated. It could be a number of things. One possibility- my progesterone (that I'm taking to bring on my period) messes with my digestion a bit, also makes me retain some water, and apparently a side effect can be weight gain. But you know what? That doesn't make me feel better. Because, Universe? I need a fucking WIN right now. Pardon my potty mouth, but since the miscarriage, I feel even more out of control of my body than I did when we were trying to conceive, and I really want this to go well.

I track everything I eat. I work out, take loads of vitamins, drink water, get sleep, eat nutritionally balanced meals. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Not that I'm really surprised. PCOS does make it harder to lose weight. I've always struggled. But... I just wanted this to go well for just a while longer.

I know there's nothing to be done except keep on going. I just needed to vent a bit. I will keep going this week and I'm not giving up. I just hope the universe helps me out next Tuesday.

~M

P.S.

Please know that I'm aware I'm doing everything right- and know that I'm trying not to be discouraged. It's just an annoying setback, but I know it will get better again.

*photo found here

workin' it out

So, it's very important to me to be as healthy as possible during this pregnancy, because I'm starting out overweight (Whee!). I want to be healthy for me, and I want to be healthy for my little one. I want to avoid gestational diabetes at all costs, so I'm eating very, very healthily, and as soon as I get the ok from my doctor, I'm going to start exercising. I'm already doing some walking, but I want to make sure before I do anything else, that I get the "all clear".

For exercising, I've always done the best with videos. They're right there in your house, nobody else can see you, and there's a beginning and an end- which helps me to not quit early.

Anyway, a LONG time ago (when we first started trying to conceive and I had no clue we'd run into issues), I bought a pregnancy yoga DVD. And then just a couple of days ago, I ordered two more tapes off of Amazon- and I'm excited about them for very different reasons.

This first one by Summer Sanders is just supposed to be very good, and it has exercises for each trimester- which I liked:

This Kathy Smith one I got in VHS form, for $3.95 on Amazon. Yes, I still have a VCR. It was all brand new in it's shrink wrapped plastic! From 1989....

And the best part of the Kathy Smith workout? THERE'S A RAP SECTION, YOU GUYS. And I've seen the video of it before, but it seems as though it's been removed from the internet- which is a MAJOR bummer, b/c it's hilarious. Here's a blurry screen shot I found online:

They put lyrics on the bottom of the screen so that you can rap along. Which I can guarantee I will be doing each time. One line I remember QUITE well from the rap when I saw the video clip: "You'll get much more from your pelvic floor, when you pass on the bagel and do one more kegel!"

No, I'm serious.

I can't wait! :)

~M

a weighty issue

My scale was not my friend this morning. Well, I guess it has never really been my friend. I knew I was retaining water this morning, and my pants felt a tiny bit snug, so I thought "hmm... I haven't weighed myself in a while, maybe I should just see where I am." Yeah. I kind of wish I hadn't done that. I realize I share a lot on this blog, but, dear readers, I will not be telling you my weight. I am TOO embarrassed by it. But, I have gained about 8 pounds this month. WHAT??? GAH.

I hate that it's so easy for me to gain weight and so difficult to lose it. When I first was diagnosed with PCOS, and read that one of the symptoms for many women was "difficulty losing weight" I was partially relieved to know that it wasn't my fault. But now I'm just mad. Really mad.

I hate that my weight is always on my mind. Every second; really- not an exaggeration. I'm so tired of thinking about it; it's exhausting. I feel like a broken record. But I know that it will never be something I can't focus on. It will be my lifelong struggle. And I realize that everyone has something like that, and I'm not unique in this regard. Everyone has a thing they perpetually struggle with.

Anyway, I've decided because of this, that I'm not going to do clomid this month. Instead, I'm going to use this month to just focus on losing some weight. I want to be as healthy as possible when I have my appointment with Dr. Sami David in May. This was a hard decision to make, because I was really looking forward to doing another round of clomid; hoping that it would really do what it was supposed to this time. The fact that I had a prescription for a higher dose just made me hopeful. But; it's more important that I'm healthy. So, this next cycle is just going to be all about trying to be healthier. Because baby or no baby, my health is vital. And I think it's time to take a little break from being so baby focused, and just focus on me. Because when baby Fraser DOES show up, I want to be a shining example of health and happiness for our little wee one.

~M

change of focus

Well, not necessarily a change. But this week I've really been examining my life and my day-to-day living, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I honestly think in this last almost year, I've been in a bit of a funk, and I think some of it is due to how hard this whole baby makin' thing is. I think I tend to turn a lot of the "blame" onto myself; since it's my body with the issues. And I know what you're thinking.."It's not your fault!". And you'd be right. To a degree. No, the fact that I have PCOS is not my fault. But the fact that I've let it make me sad for so long- is. Yes, I've done a lot to help it; change in diet, acupuncture, no caffeine, very little alcohol; all things that you're supposed to do. So for that; I am proud of myself.

One thing I need to work on a lot harder though; is getting exercise. I sit ALL day. I have an hour commute in to work, and an hour back (which makes sense, considering the hour IN to work…) and I sit at a desk all day. Well, right there, that's 10 hours of sitting. Yes, I get up as often as I can during the day, but the majority is just sitting…sitting…sitting. And truthfully? It's exhausting. I hate it.

For the longest time, after I was diagnosed with PCOS, I just decided I'd focus on the things I was supposed to remove from my diet; sugar, wheat, dairy, and the weight would probably just come off naturally. Well, it didn't. But, I was indignant, and felt like I was eating healthfully, and just didn't have the mental energy to also try and portion control and exercise. So, I didn't. Oh, don't get me wrong. I've done some exercising since last June, but it hasn't been consistent enough to see results. And my portion controlling; well, that just hasn't happened.

I talked to Ian about it last weekend, and told him my frustrations. I told him that I WISHED that I could just do something like Jenny Craig, so that all my meals would be planned out for me and I wouldn't have to THINK about food. But, I have no interest in eating all those preservatives and chemicals; much less the wheat, dairy and sugar that is probably in all of the meals. I'm JUST SO TIRED of thinking about food. Anyway, my brilliant, supportive husband, suggested that every 2 weeks on Sunday, we plan out two weeks of meals. Make ahead as many things as possible (with healthy, organic foods) and freeze them. Anything we're not freezing, we'll just make sure we have the ingredients for, and I won't have to think about my meals; it will be planned. I know that meal planning isn't a new idea, but I've never tried it to this extreme; and I'm excited to see if it works.

As for the exercise, I belong to a gym and have MANY exercise DVDs, so I just need to get going and stick to it. I'm also going to plan THIS out (can you tell I like plans? I really do.) so that I won't have to think about it every day.

Anyway, I titled this "Change of Focus" because I've decided at least for now, I'm switching my focus from "trying-my-damnedest-to-get-knocked-up-already" to "just being a healthier me". Don’t get me wrong; I'll still be doing all I can to get a bun in the oven, but I need to focus on me and my health right now. I know it will help everything, and I'll feel better and happier in general. And that is important.

~M