oh, and it's twins

I feel like I always have to give this little caveat when someone asks how far along I am, or when I’m due. Most of the time when I say “6 months along” or “due at the beginning of July” people just say “cool!” or “so exciting!”. But a couple of times now, people have said “oh! Wow!” with the implication in their voice and on their faces as they glance at my belly of “you still have 3 more months left and your stomach is already that big?” and that’s when I quickly follow up with “yep, with twin girls!”. Then they usually look relieved, or like I’ve really cleared something up for them.

I’m so excited to be having twins, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to give this little disclaimer. “No, see I have a REASON I’m so gigantic for only 6 months along!”. Oh well. :)

Ok, on to other news! Today I had a growth ultrasound (I’ll have those every 4 weeks from now till the end, because they have to make sure they are growing ok (not running out of room) and also are no more than 20% different in size from each other). It was so nice to see them! Hearing their little heartbeats always brings me this HUGE sense of relief and happiness. I had a horrible nightmare this week about losing both of them and it just was the worst. So seeing them was just wonderful.

Baby A is still head down (yay- Baby A!) and Baby B is still transverse with her head on the left side and her bum on the right. I feel most of the kicks/movement on my right, and then lower down on the right, so I’m guessing that it’s Baby B kicking, and Baby A punching or something. :) Baby A is measuring 1 pound 9 ounces, and Baby B is measuring 1pound 8 ounces. They’re both in about the 50th percentile for height/weight (this is based on single babies) and are only 4% different in size. Yay! The ultrasound tech said that at my next scan, the growth will probably start to slow, since they’ll start to run out of room. (Read: Oh holy lord, I’m going to be getting more gigantic by the day).

I didn’t get any great pictures of them today, but I’ll post the ones I did get, later this weekend. We noticed that they’re starting to look more and more like little babies in there- which is exciting!

According to baby center, this is what it looks like in my uterus right now (though mine aren't both head down):

Our crib is arriving next week! I’m so excited; I really can’t wait to set up their little nursery corner. :) Also arriving next week; my mother-in-law! She’ll be staying with us for a week and I’m very excited. Also, my friend Jamie is coming in for a short little visit to see her niece and sister, and also come to my shower. I’m having a little baby shower next Sunday, which should be very fun. And having my mother-in-law and Jamie there will just make it even more wonderful! I can’t wait.

We are officially signed up for 3 classes at Mt. Sinai: Childbirth Sundays- which is 3, 2 ½ hour classes, 3 Sundays in May; Breastfeeding, and Caring for a Newborn. I’d also like to sign up for a CPR class, but haven’t done that yet. I’m pretty excited to take these classes! I worried that taking them in May might be too early, but then I also worried that I’ll be too gigantic in June to want to have to worry about that, so I think it’ll be ok. I can’t wait!

And, I promised I’d update you on exercise. Well, I didn’t do what I said I’d do. This week I just didn’t manage to do any of my workouts. I did walk across town twice after work, (instead of taking the shuttle) which is about .8 miles, and I’ll probably do that again today. It’s not much, but it always tuckers me out. I will be cleaning house like a madwoman this weekend, so that should be some good exercise. It’s so hard though; I just am SO exhausted when I get home, that working out sounds like the last thing I want to do. But, I AM going to try and squeeze a little more in to the next two weeks, as I have my glucose test in two weeks and want to do everything I can to make sure it turns out ok. So, I’ll walk as much as I can, and do some workouts here and there and keep trying to eat healthy.

Have a great weekend everyone!

~M

the best laid plans

So, I’ve been dreaming/planning/thinking about babies and all things associated with pregnancy pretty much since we started officially trying back in June of 2009. Different ideas about many things have come and gone; Nursery designs, diapering options, pregnancy plans, parenting styles, etc. But one thing I’ve always really wanted; was a natural birth. Maybe in a tub, or at a birthing center, most likely with a midwife and a doula. This was something I knew I always wanted, for several reasons. One; I don’t do well with medication, needles, etc. So, any chance to avoid all of that sounds great to me. Also, I like the idea of being able to be aware of my body, and really feel everything. I know, I know. Childbirth is painful, and definitely no picnic. But I really wanted to just be aware of and feel everything.

Well, so far, this whole journey has not turned out as I pictured. I always thought I’d have SOME trouble getting pregnant; but only because of irregular cycles. I didn’t think anything was actually WRONG with me, like PCOS. I thought I just had a wonky cycle. I certainly didn’t think it would take as long as it did to conceive (though I know many others wait MUCH longer); even though I read the statistics about PCOS and conceiving. I knew I could be at higher risk for miscarriage; with the PCOS and then with the Factor V, but I never thought it would actually HAPPEN. I really never wanted to have to take any medication to ovulate, and I also never wanted to do anything like an IUI. Yet, all of these things happened. I had to jump through way more hoops and compromise my “ideal” on most things in order to have what I wanted most; a baby of our own.

Through each step, I’ve been disappointed, and then finally made my peace with it; because it was how it had to be. I did have an AMAZING Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Sami David, so I was truly lucky in that respect. But I did have to adjust my way of thinking of things.

Back to the “one thing I always knew I wanted”; a natural birth. Well, once again, I will have to let this dream go. There are VERY few midwives that would take a twin birth. It’s too risky. So, that’s out. Along with birthing center, and tub birth. I most likely will have to give birth in the Operating Room, because they have to be prepared to do an emergency c-section. Because of THIS, they have to automatically give me an epidural. I’ve not clarified it with my doctor, but in some of the books I’ve read, they place the epidural line, but don’t administer the drugs until absolutely necessary (if I request them or if I have to have an emergency c-section). So, I have to clarify that part with her. Also, with twins, there is slightly less than 50% chance of a c-section, because if the first baby is not head down; you can’t deliver vaginally. I really need to prepare myself mentally for this. I’m WAY more scared of a c-section than I am of a drug free delivery, for many reasons. I don’t like the idea of being sliced open; I don’t like that I can’t hold them right afterwards, and that I have to lay there being sewn up for like an hour afterwards; I don’t like that the recovery time is so much longer; etc.- the list goes on. Honestly though, I will not be taking any chances. I’m too scared to lose my babies to take any chances. So, if my doctor recommends that I do something one way, I’ll do it. She’s great, and has delivered many sets of twins vaginally. So I know she’ll do everything she can to make it happen that way. But- it could go either way, and I need to prepare myself for this.

I think it will probably be the same process I went through to come to terms with all of the things along the way that didn’t “go as planned”. I mean, life rarely goes as planned, which sometimes makes it frustrating, but also makes it thrilling.

I know that no matter how it happens, the outcome will be that I have two new members of our little Fraser family. And that’s pretty much all that matters to me.

~M

my protein problem

So, it seems that when you're pregnant with twins, you have to have more protein in your diet than you would with one baby. When I first heard this, I didn't think this was going to be a problem, but frankly, it's been the hardest part about eating while pregnant so far.

You see, I'm not a huge fan of meat. I mean, I eat it, but it's not always my favorite. And for some reason, lately? It sounds really not good. I think it sounds better if I don't make it myself, but in general, it just doesn't sound good. And meat has one of the highest concentrations of protein.

I'm supposed to have 90-120 grams of protein a day. This is a lot, people! I mean, one egg? Has only 7 grams of protein. And also? I don't really like eggs. They're okay... but, I kind of have to choke them down. And then I was like "oh! Peanut butter! It has protein!" Yeah... but only 4 grams per tablespoon. On top of it all, I have to restrict my calories to 1800 a day, since I started out this pregnancy with extra weight. So, it's not like I can just carry around a jar of peanut butter and a spoon and just eat that all day. Also, I'd need at minimum, 22.5 tablespoons of peanut butter to get my daily requirement, and, well, that might get old.

Normally, I'd eat turkey sandwiches for lunch, because I like those, but you're not supposed to have cold deli meat when you're pregnant because of the risk of the bacteria listeria. You can sidestep this worry by this by microwaving your deli meat first to kill the possible listeria, but that just grosses me out. I don't know why. I know my friend Kristin is rolling her eyes :) but I think it's gross.

Anyway, I'm just having a really hard time feeling like I'm eating enough protein while also keeping my calories down to 1800. Also, I think my uterus is already starting to smoosh my stomach and not leave much room for food, as I get full WAY faster now. Which makes it all the more difficult to eat enough protein.

I DID get some protein bread, and it has 14 grams per slice. So, I suppose I should make sure I have a couple of slices of that per day. For a while I was having smoothies for breakfast with protein powder, but that got tiresome. I think I'll have to go back to that though, as I'm running out of ideas.

I mostly get worried that I'm not getting enough and maybe it's affecting my babies. That's the worst of all! So, I think I'll just have to try and be extra diligent and maybe just not have the most varied diet for the next 5 months or so. Gotta feed those babies what they need!

~M

this and that

Well, this week it’s back to the grind! Had quite a bit of time off over the holidays, and now this week I have to do the unthinkable; work ALL FIVE DAYS. Blech. So not cool.

However, I AM excited for the new year. I usually am; just because it always feels like new beginnings, fresh starts- anything is possible. Of course this year has all of that, plus the added excitement of new life on its way, and once they’re here; nothing will ever be the same again! Exciting and a bit scary at the same time, but mostly exciting. :)

Ian and I are signing up for a prenatal class at Mount Sinai (where I will deliver) called “Preparing for Multiples”. I’m excited, because it’s 5 weeks long and meets every Tuesday from 6-9 pm. The class covers preparing for birth, comfort measures and pain management, breastfeeding, vaginal and c-section birth, and getting organized at home. So, we’ll learn a whole lot! We also will get a tour of the hospital and birthing area as well as the NICU should we need it. It will start February 22nd- can’t wait! I’m feeling very anxious to be DOING things to get ready. I mean, I know I’m growing babies, and that’s something :), but you know. I want to get all ready!

On another note; our babies are as big as peaches this week! Crazy! I am going in for a quick checkup with my OB today, so I should get to see them ever so briefly. She usually just does a quick ultrasound to measure their growth and heartbeat. That’s enough to tide me over for a while. :)


And finally, yesterday I “graduated” from acupuncture. I’ve been going for a year and a half, pretty much once a week! First to try and regulate my cycle and assist in possible implantation each time we tried and then the last 12 weeks, to keep those babies in there! I love Christiane, my acupuncturist, so I’ll miss her lots. I’m sure I’ll still bother her from time to time via email, as she is a wealth of knowledge. That’s my second graduation since I got pregnant! At 9 weeks I graduated from my fertility doc, and now acupuncture! And in just four days, I’ll be in my second trimester, so I’m considering that a graduation, too. So, basically I’ll have a doctorate in pregnancy by the time I’m done. Or something.

I think that’s all my miscellaneous things for now! Hope everyone’s New Year is starting out wonderfully!

~M

*photo found here

holidays, heartbeats, movement and limbs!

So, first off; I apologize for the long hiatus. I could say “oh, yes, busy with holiday travel, shopping, caroling, wassailing, etc. and all of that” but, I’d be lying. See, since I’m all pregnant, my doctor said I should forego flying this holiday season, so we stayed home. And though we made a few treks out for movies and short little trips, we were generally quite lazy. It was lovely, actually. Lots of sleeping in, and relaxing and just cozying up on the couch. We had a blizzard here in NY the day after Christmas, so that made things even quieter. So, I have no good reason for not blogging this last 10 days or so. I just was feeling lazy and not wanting to do much of anything! :)

Anyway! So, on Monday we had what is called the Nuchal Translucency test. It apparently is a standard test in which they measure the back of the babies’ necks. Here’s how it’s defined:

This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help your health care practitioner assess your baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems.

The NT test uses ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your developing baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average.

So, that’s the deal with the test. They also took some blood and will combine the results for a “combined screening”. The doctor said that everything looked normal though, so that is good news. We’ll know a bit more when we get the blood results back, but so far all is normal! This was a huge relief.

Another great thing about this ultrasound was that we got to hear both babies’ heartbeats! They are both in the normal range (I believe both were around 165-170 bpm). It was super cool to hear their little hearts. Then we got really good looks at both of them, and we saw their arms and legs! And unlike at my last ultrasound, when they looked like little nubs, they look like regular arms and legs now! One of the babies even did a little dance move looking thing; it was really cool.

I go in next week for a regular check up with my OB. I think it will just be standard; blood pressure, weight, short ultrasound, just a general checking in. This week’s ultrasound was done at the hospital where I'll be delivering (Mount Sinai) since they have the super fancy machines there. I’ll have another ultrasound there in 5 weeks. It’s called the anatomy scan, and it’s POSSIBLE I could know the sexes of the babies then. Though, I’ve heard too many stories about how sometimes the babies won’t cooperate and show their stuff, so I’m not getting my hopes up. I hadn’t planned on knowing until about 20 weeks, so if I know earlier, that’d be great- but if not, no big deal. I honestly just want them to be healthy. I know people say that all the time, but it’s honestly all I care about. :)

I’d post pictures of the ultrasound, but the pictures aren’t that great. I’m sure I’ll get better ones at my next ultrasound. The images were pretty clear on the screen, but once she did a screen capture and printed them off; it wasn’t as clear. Probably would be less clear once I scanned them, or took a picture of them. So, you'll just have to trust me; it was really cool.

I think I’m starting to really believe that things are going to be ok this time. I think there will always be that element of fear that something will go wrong. But as the days go by, I feel more and more confident. I mean, I’m less than two weeks away from my the start of my 2nd trimester!! That’s very exciting.

I promise to be much better about updates from now on. Now that I’m no longer hiding a big secret, or celebrating holidays, I’ll update like crazy! : )

Hope you all had a healthy, safe, happy holiday!

~M

oh, and one more little thing….

So, I must confess a little something to all of you. I have not been entirely truthful with you about one tiny detail with this pregnancy. You see, with what happened last time, we even debated telling ANYone about anything with this pregnancy, because it was so painful to lose the last one. But then we realized that we loved the support we had from family and friends, and also, the interwebs. So, we told you!

If you’ll remember correctly, my first ultrasound was “inconclusive”. This was scary, even though I read everywhere that since we had one so early (at like 5 weeks) it was most likely too early to see much of anything. So, I felt a LITTLE better, but you know, still worried. Then I wrote this post updating you and letting you know the doctor hadn’t expected to see a fetal pole, so the inconclusiveness was expected.

But there was more to that conversation on November 15th, that I left out. It went a little something like this:

ME- Hello?

NURSE- Hi, Mariah, this is so-and-so from Dr. David’s office. I’m calling to talk to you about your ultrasound Friday.

ME- Oh ok. (feeling all gloom-and-doom, because WOE is me! There was no fetal pole. This is probably a call with horrible news.)

NURSE- So, were you surprised?

ME- UM… I don’t know if surprised is the right word. More like worried, concerned, scared…

NURSE- Well, we told you this was a possibility! (Still thinking she was talking about the inconclusive no fetal pole stuff…)

ME- Um, no you didn’t. I never knew that it was a possibility.

NURSE- I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing….

ME- ……..

NURSE- The ultrasound tech saw two sacs. You’re having twins!

ME- ……..

………. WHAT?

NURSE- yep! It’s still very early, so don’t get too excited, but she saw two sacs! You’ll have to get another ultrasound in one week to confirm it.

**End scene.**

So… yep! Twins! We had another ultrasound the day before thanksgiving, and there they both were! Measuring normal and TWO heartbeats! We are excited, but we must admit that we go back and forth between- “YAY! Two babies!” and “HOLY CRAP! Two babies!”

So, sorry for the delay in telling everyone, but we just weren’t ready yet. But, we’re getting very excited! I just had an ultrasound on Tuesday, and they’re measuring at 9 weeks 2 days and 9 weeks 4 days. Their heartbeats were 171 each, and I saw little arms!! They still kinda look like gummy bears, but they are getting pretty big (I mean, relative to when they were as big as a poppyseed). They are now each the size of prunes, and about 1-1.5 inches long. :) Grow, babies, grow!

And, that’s our news, y’all! There are TWO baby Frasers on the way! Craziness!!

~M