this and that

Well, this week it’s back to the grind! Had quite a bit of time off over the holidays, and now this week I have to do the unthinkable; work ALL FIVE DAYS. Blech. So not cool.

However, I AM excited for the new year. I usually am; just because it always feels like new beginnings, fresh starts- anything is possible. Of course this year has all of that, plus the added excitement of new life on its way, and once they’re here; nothing will ever be the same again! Exciting and a bit scary at the same time, but mostly exciting. :)

Ian and I are signing up for a prenatal class at Mount Sinai (where I will deliver) called “Preparing for Multiples”. I’m excited, because it’s 5 weeks long and meets every Tuesday from 6-9 pm. The class covers preparing for birth, comfort measures and pain management, breastfeeding, vaginal and c-section birth, and getting organized at home. So, we’ll learn a whole lot! We also will get a tour of the hospital and birthing area as well as the NICU should we need it. It will start February 22nd- can’t wait! I’m feeling very anxious to be DOING things to get ready. I mean, I know I’m growing babies, and that’s something :), but you know. I want to get all ready!

On another note; our babies are as big as peaches this week! Crazy! I am going in for a quick checkup with my OB today, so I should get to see them ever so briefly. She usually just does a quick ultrasound to measure their growth and heartbeat. That’s enough to tide me over for a while. :)


And finally, yesterday I “graduated” from acupuncture. I’ve been going for a year and a half, pretty much once a week! First to try and regulate my cycle and assist in possible implantation each time we tried and then the last 12 weeks, to keep those babies in there! I love Christiane, my acupuncturist, so I’ll miss her lots. I’m sure I’ll still bother her from time to time via email, as she is a wealth of knowledge. That’s my second graduation since I got pregnant! At 9 weeks I graduated from my fertility doc, and now acupuncture! And in just four days, I’ll be in my second trimester, so I’m considering that a graduation, too. So, basically I’ll have a doctorate in pregnancy by the time I’m done. Or something.

I think that’s all my miscellaneous things for now! Hope everyone’s New Year is starting out wonderfully!

~M

*photo found here

a chance of rain

Sorry it's been since Tuesday since I blogged! I didn't have anything very exciting to blog about until Wednesday afternoon, and then I just figured I'd write about it on Thursday. But, I didn't get to it.

ANYway, so, remember when Tuesday I was all "boo hoo! My follicle has disappeared! Woe is me!"? Well, I had blood drawn on Wednesday morning to check my progesterone and estradiol levels to see if I'd already ovulated or was about to, or wasn't even close. If I wasn't close (i.e. the follicle had disappeared) Dr. D was going to start me on another (higher dose) of clomid. This did not appeal to me, but, I didn't want another 85 day cycle, so I was eventually fine with it. BUT. They called me on Wednesday and said my progesterone was at 300 and my estradiol was at 100 (do I know what this means? no.) and that I was about to ovulate. YAY! So, it turns out my follicle was just probably being shy and hiding behind my uterus or some other organ. And lo and behold- Thursday morning- my temp was up! I tried not to get excited, b/c it could have been a fluke high temp but then this morning- another high one! YAY! Fertility friend (the online charting website) won't confirm ovulation until you have 3 days of elevated temps in a row, but I'm confirming it. :) Ovulation you guys! On day 19! Like a normal person! Here she is:


Isn't it lovely? Oh, and just to compare it to LAST cycle:

What an improvement! Yay, modern medicine and acupuncture! :)

I got my blood drawn this morning again to test my progesterone levels. I don't really know why. Maybe to confirm ovulation? Who knows.

So, another slight worry of ours is the news we got from Ian's doctor about the motility and morphology of his guys possibly making things a bit more difficult for us. Basically, a normal healthy couple has about a 25% chance each month to get pregnant. And yes, that's even if you're timing it perfectly. Ian's doc said that with our issues, we have about 1/2 that chance, maybe a little more. He suggested that next cycle, if we don't get pregnant this time, that we move on to IUI.

Ian and I were in the kitchen on Wednesday night chatting, and I said, "you know, 10-15% chance each month is really low. If the weatherman said there was a 10-15% chance of rain, I wouldn't bring my umbrella with me." Then he wisely said, "Well, yes, but if someone told me I had a 10-15% chance of winning the lottery, I'd sure buy a ticket." :) I like that better.

Oh, and also? This morning, the weather said 20% chance of rain. I didn't grab my umbrella, and when I went outside… it was raining.

I guess you just never know. :)

Happy Weekend, all!

~M

photo source unknown. please comment if you know.

electric ovaries!

You guys! I have electric ovaries! For real! Yesterday during acupuncture, she did the regular needles and then she attached these tiny little jumper cable like things to the needles over my ovaries and for 45 minutes she totally electrified them! I guess trying to shock them awake.

Pretty cool, huh? I wonder if this means that my baby will now have electric super powers. Probably. When I started thinking about electric ovaries, I remembered the super awesome song "Electric Youth" by Debbie Gibson. I was quite the Debbie fan as a child/pre-teen. I think these lyrics to the song "Electric Youth" prove that this will totally work AND my kids will have super powers.

*******
Zappin' it to ya
The pressure's everywhere
Goin' right through ya
The fever's in the air
Oh yeah, it's there!
Don't underestimate the power
Of a lifetime ahead

Electric youth (ovaries!)
Feel the power, you see the energy
Comin' up
Coming on strong
The future only belongs
To the future itself
And the future is
Electric youth
It's true you can't fight it
Live by it
The next generation (see? superhero electric babies!)
It's electric
******

Anyway, I hope it works. She said she's going to try to do the electricity every week now to get my ovaries movin'!

~M

guilt and herbs

So, in trying to get pregnant, I've tried many things- as I've mentioned. I do acupuncture weekly. I take more vitamins and supplements than anyone should. I take my temperature every morning and chart it. I've had to drastically change my diet.

And I also drink these super gross tasting chinese herb tinctures.

I didn't have to drink them last month, because I was on the clomid. (you know- the clomid that didn't do a damn thing.) Anyway, since I'm not doing clomid this month, I'm back to the herbs, and MAN they taste worse than I thought.

I mix them with hot water and drink them 3 times a day, and it's ROUGH. It didn't seem as gross before, but I think after taking one month off, I'm just not used to it anymore.

Anyway, my point is this: I will love my baby with all my heart. I can't wait to have a little person to love unconditionally and hug and kiss. However, when they're teenagers? Or even younger and throwing horrible temper tantrums and they won't listen to me? I will make sure to let them know about all the gross stuff I had to drink so that I could bring them into this world.

Because you know, what's parenting- without a little guilt? ;)

~ M

welcome!

Hello, and welcome to my blog!

My name is Mariah and I live with my amazing husband in New York City. We started trying to get pregnant in June of 2009, and have been unsuccessful thus far. I started this so I'd have a place to vent about all things fertility, since it's all I seem to think about! I think maybe like 2 people will read this entry, so, it probably doesn't matter much what I say. :)

Ian and I got married in August of 2004. The thought of children wasn't even close to on our minds at that point, but we knew it was definitely in the future. At the end of 2006 we uprooted ourselves from our comfortable life in Seatle, WA, to move to New York City to pursue and adventure. Both of us did theater in Seattle, so we thought we may try and pursue that; but mostly we just wanted to have an exciting adventure.

In 2007 and 2008, I saw many friends getting pregnant and having kids, but we still had debt, and just didn't feel quite ready yet. However, by the end of 2009 I paid off all my debt, turned 32, and figured it was now or never. We both finally felt really ready. I had always had an irregular cycle, but every doctor I saw just brushed it off saying "you probably are just one of those women with an unpredictable cycle" and left it at that. So, we started trying. I bought books on fertility, started reading everything online that I could find, and made my initial visit to an OBGYN. I hadn't had my period for 11 weeks at that point, so I went to her to get checked out. She suggested acupuncture to get my cycles more regular, and I called that day to set it up. I've been doing acupuncture weekly since June, and I love it. My acupuncturist is amazing and has been so supportive and lovely through the whole process.

Once I started my first cycle of "trying", I was totally optimistic that it was going to happen quickly for us. Even though I said outwardly, "oh, we're in no hurry, it will happen when it happens", in my head I thought, "We are going to ROCK this! I bet it happens on the first try! People all over the world will MARVEL at our super fast knocked-up-ed-ness! We have super eggs and super sperm and this is going to be no trouble at ALL!"

But…. month after month went by and nothing. In November I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome; which explained my long, sporadic cycles, and also probably explains why I've always had trouble losing weight. I was sad about this, because PCOS makes it all the more difficult to get pregnant. Every website and book that I read said, "It's not impossible to get pregnant with PCOS, just more difficult." This should have made me feel better, but, it didn't.

(um, I don't think I'm good at "summarizing". This is a LONG summary. Sorry.)

I did a lot of research. I modified my diet, read a lot of books. Also, we tested Ian's sperm just to make sure he was ok, and he was. He totally has super sperms. :) He's very proud of that.

At this point, I'm on my 7th cycle (in 9 months). I did clomid this cycle, but as I'm on day 38 and have not yet ovulated; it doesn't seem to have done anything. I'm going in to the doctor today though, and we'll see what she says! I may just have to wait until next cycle and try another round of a higher dose of clomid.

It's been a fairly emotional roller coaster ride. Each cycle I'd try not to get my hopes up, but each cycle I did. I planned on how I'd tell our parents if we got pregnant around Christmas time, I planned on how I'd tell my husband on New Year's or Valentine's day…. Each cycle to be let down. And every new cycle I'd start out cautiously, and by the end be so hopeful and worked up, it was worse than the last.

Also, I have a bit of guilt about whining about it. I know that there are people who try for YEARS and nothing happens. And I realize we're only at 9 months, and I should just relax. But, when you're doing acupuncture weekly, taking your temperature every day, taking Chinese herbs multiple times a day, modifying your diet to a really annoying degree, and stuck at a desk job with NOTHING to do except browse blogs about babies… well…it's hard to relax. :) But I'm really trying, because I know that there could be a long road ahead.

I remain totally optimistic though. I really want us to be parents, and I think we'd be good ones. So, now I'm sharing all of my super private baby makin' business with the internets. I'm really hopeful that this blog will turn into a blog about trying to get pregnant, to someday about BEING pregnant, and finally to being a mom. My very own splendid endeavor.

~M