holding back

So, as you know, I'm in the dreaded "waiting" period. Waiting to see if I have a bun in the oven. There are also several other annoying waiting periods in this whole infertility game:

1. The period you're actually waiting to get your period. If you find out you're not pregnant (which has happened to me a bazillion trillion times) then you just have to wait to get your period so that you can start the cycle all over again. This is an annoying time, because there's no hope involved; only annoyance that you're eagerly waiting for something that is so decidedly NOT fun.

2. Waiting to ovulate. This is a more exciting thing to wait for, but also slightly nerve wracking. If you're one of those lucky people that those cool ovulation predictor kits works for, maybe it's not as nerve wracking. But for me, they don't work. I've tried WAYYY too many of them, spent WAY too much money on them, and never have they worked. So, I'm always a little nervous that I'll miss my window. Luckily, more recently, I get ultrasounds to check for me, so it's not as stressful.

3. And now, the most stressful waiting period; waiting to see if I'm pregnant. I think that this got more stressful for sure once I had my miscarriage. When I first miscarried, I couldn't imagine trying to get pregnant anytime soon. But then I realized that I want a baby more than anything, so, even if it was emotionally hard; it was worth it.

And now I'm walking this fine line of getting excited for Tuesday and trying to think positively, and then at the same time, trying manage my hope. I don't want to get my hopes up, because every time you try to conceive- even if you're perfectly healthy- the odds/statistics are against you. So, it doesn't make sense to get excited. But… it's pretty hard not to at least think about it. The problem is, when I start to think about it, and get excited, I do things like look at baby websites/blogs (they are seriously like crack, people!) and then I do things like look at little outfits. Like these.

OH MAH GOD. I will for sure be dressing my children in fun, crazy colorful things like this. But no, I'm not getting ahead of myself or anything….

Anyway, so now I wait. Nothing to be done about that. Wait until Tuesday afternoon, and just see what happens. I'll have to keep myself busy this weekend. Luckily, I have Saturday covered, as I'm babysitting for the cutest 18 month old ever. :)

Have a great Thursday everyone!

~M

(Oh, by the way, I last updated on Thursday, and I hadn't ovulated, but I woke up on Friday and my temp went up, so, that means I ovulated sometime on Thursday, or early Friday morning. So, that's good. Good timing, since I got the IUI on Thursday.)

*photos found here and here