friday!

Happy Friday, everyone! Woo hoo!! I love Fridays.

So, it is most definitely Fall here in NY- and it's just lovely. Fall makes me crave yummy fall foods; pumpkin things, spice things, apple things. Fall is my favorite.

So, for breakfast today, what I REALLY wanted was this:

and this:

but instead.... I had this:

...which was tasty, but it was no pumpkin scone and pumpkin spice latte. And, I had just regular drip coffee. AH, well. Responsible choices aren't usually as fun. :)

I'm very much looking forward to this weekend. I have a skype date with my friend and her brand new baby on Saturday, and I'm walking in the AFSP Out of the darkness walk on Sunday in memory of my old friend, Mike. It brings awareness to suicide prevention, and I feel so privileged to be participating and helping to raise money and awareness for the second year in a row.

I also want to do some closet cleaning-out. We'll see if that happens. :)

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

~M

*photos found here and here

2.2 pounds of frustration

So, as you may remember- I'm doing Weight Watchers in order to get a little healthier while we're waiting for the next cycle to start. I've been doing SO well; tracking all my food, working out 3-5 times a week, and as of last week, I had lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks. That's an average of 2.3 pounds a week, people! Woo hoo!

Anyway, I go in to my weekly meeting tonight, feeling pretty good. A little bloated maybe, but c'mon- I'm on a roll! I was expecting at LEAST a pound gone.

Instead?

GAINED 2.2 pounds.

WTF????????

So irritated. It could be a number of things. One possibility- my progesterone (that I'm taking to bring on my period) messes with my digestion a bit, also makes me retain some water, and apparently a side effect can be weight gain. But you know what? That doesn't make me feel better. Because, Universe? I need a fucking WIN right now. Pardon my potty mouth, but since the miscarriage, I feel even more out of control of my body than I did when we were trying to conceive, and I really want this to go well.

I track everything I eat. I work out, take loads of vitamins, drink water, get sleep, eat nutritionally balanced meals. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Not that I'm really surprised. PCOS does make it harder to lose weight. I've always struggled. But... I just wanted this to go well for just a while longer.

I know there's nothing to be done except keep on going. I just needed to vent a bit. I will keep going this week and I'm not giving up. I just hope the universe helps me out next Tuesday.

~M

P.S.

Please know that I'm aware I'm doing everything right- and know that I'm trying not to be discouraged. It's just an annoying setback, but I know it will get better again.

*photo found here

No fairsies!

Check it out.

Some people have all the luck.

:)

~M

photo found here

you down with opk?

Ok, that title was dumb. I apologize.

(For those of you not "hip" to the "cool, new" songs- that was a reference to the song "OPP". And, for those of you not down with the pregnancy lingos... OPK is an Ovulation Predictor Kit.)

There, now that we have that settled....

OPK's don't really work for me. I can't say for certain if they never will, but because my cycle is so erratic, it's hard to know when to use them. OPK's detect the Luteinizing Hormone (LH) surge which occurs approximately 24-36 hours prior to ovulation. So, another factor is that some people just don't have a very strong LH surge, so they may not work for some people. Which could be me, who knows. Now also, if you've ever purchased them, you know they are NOT cheap. Well, when I first started out, I bought this device. It is cheaper in the long run. However, when you have a long cycle, these aren't the best. And once you hit like 45 days or something, it's like "oh, hold up! Your cycle length is unacceptable. I refuse to continue." So, maybe if my cycles start regulating (like with clomid) it will be a better option... however, it also has been said that OPK's don't work sometimes when a person is taking clomid.

So, that's helpful.

Anyway, once I had NEVER seen a positive on my OPK machine, and once I passed the 45 day mark and it wouldn't work for me, I stopped using it. Now, I could have gone and purchased the individual ones, but seriously they are SPENDY, and I never know when I'm going to ovulate. So, at $40 for a box of 7, and I'm on cycle day 68 now... well, I'd be spending a LOT of money on something I don't know if it would even work.

However.... this week I bought some. Because I just finished my clomid/dexamethasone 6 day treatment to try and trigger ovulation, so I thought, maybe this time! So, I took one last night, and this afternoon, and was greeted by this:

And, just so you know, that is a big 'ol negative. Because if you are fertile, the test looks like this:

See? All smiley. And my test result above is all faceless and sad. BOO. Just ONCE I'd like to see that damn smiley. It sure would be helpful. Anyway, I have 5 tests left and will see this week if I can get that smiley face to pop up.

:)

~M