the results are in: keep waiting.

Well, thanks to the clomid, my follicles (little round houses produced in your ovaries every month to hold your eggs) are coming along- but they're not quite there yet. At my doctor appointment this morning I discovered I have two follicles that are almost exactly the same size at 15mm. Dr. David considers a follicle mature at 17-18mm. So, I'm going back in on Wednesday to get another ultrasound. Hoorah for more waiting! Waiting is my favorite! I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than wait! (I'm trying to psych myself up to be patient. I think it's totally working.)

Yes, I realize it's only one and a half more days until I get to go in again, but BOY is the patience so much harder this time around. Seriously. I think it's harder for a lot of reasons. I will list them for you.

1. I've already been pregnant, and sadly miscarried. It's like someone gave me the most awesomest present in the world, that I'd been wishing to get for a year. Then they let me have it for a while, and show it off to friends and love it more than anything, and then yanked it away. nope! Never mind- you don't get this awesome present.

2. Now I know we can get pregnant. It has happened. Before, the waiting was always tinged with "well, maybe it's just not even possible for me to GET pregnant." Now I know that it is, so it makes me more impatient to have to wait for it.

3. I'm now scared of miscarriages. I mean, I was scared of them before, but now I'm scared that it could happen every time. It's more of a reality now. So, what if I wait ANOTHER year... and it just happens again? I read/hear these stories about women who miscarry 5, 6, 7 times before finally having a baby. This frightens me, because I really honestly don't feel like I have the strength for that. I mean, I hope and pray that I don't HAVE to face that scenario, but I worry that if I did... I wouldn't be able to be as brave as those women who are able to summon the strength to keep trying.

4. I got a lotta love to give! I can't wait to love a little baby. I will make it feel like the luckiest baby in the whole wide world- and I know Ian will too.

So, there you have it- my reasons that patience is not as easy this time. But what choice do I have? Can't rush these things; just gotta keep on chuggin', be patient, and WAIT.

~M

p.s. the cute clock in the photo is actually my new vintage alarm clock. It ticks REALLY loud, so while we originally had it in the living room- I had to move it, because the ticking was stressing me out. :) It's now in the bathroom and it looks super cute.

yay!

Alright. So, remember when I said I was getting blood work done to see if I was ready to ovulate? Well, I got it done this morning, and the doctor's office called and just said it looks like I will ovulate soon! They can't tell when exactly, but tonight Ian and I get to knock boots and then I'm going in for my post coital exam, AND a sonogram to look at my ovaries to see how close we are.

So! All sorts of answers could be coming. Which is quite exciting to me after 70 days of this damn cycle so far.

So, cross your fingers y'all! Ovulation is just around the corner it seems!

My friend Kristin says that I should have an ovulation party every time it happens since it's so infrequent. I just may. :)

~M

P.S. The nurse who called me said that we should have "relations" tonight. It almost made me giggle.

electric ovaries!

You guys! I have electric ovaries! For real! Yesterday during acupuncture, she did the regular needles and then she attached these tiny little jumper cable like things to the needles over my ovaries and for 45 minutes she totally electrified them! I guess trying to shock them awake.

Pretty cool, huh? I wonder if this means that my baby will now have electric super powers. Probably. When I started thinking about electric ovaries, I remembered the super awesome song "Electric Youth" by Debbie Gibson. I was quite the Debbie fan as a child/pre-teen. I think these lyrics to the song "Electric Youth" prove that this will totally work AND my kids will have super powers.

*******
Zappin' it to ya
The pressure's everywhere
Goin' right through ya
The fever's in the air
Oh yeah, it's there!
Don't underestimate the power
Of a lifetime ahead

Electric youth (ovaries!)
Feel the power, you see the energy
Comin' up
Coming on strong
The future only belongs
To the future itself
And the future is
Electric youth
It's true you can't fight it
Live by it
The next generation (see? superhero electric babies!)
It's electric
******

Anyway, I hope it works. She said she's going to try to do the electricity every week now to get my ovaries movin'!

~M

shhhhhh! don't wake the ovaries!

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I had a doctor appt. yesterday evening. I had so much hope for this appt.! I just knew she'd take one look at my ovaries and tell me "Wow! Look at that huge follicle, just ready to drop a super-awesome egg!". And then I'd get all smug and say "Yeah, I figured. I mean, my ovaries might be kinda slow and all polycystic and whatnot, but they are rockstars when they need to be."

This, sadly, is not how it went.

First off- I waited not one, but TWO HOURS in the waiting room! Annoying. I did get caught up on my 'Glamour' and 'InStyle' magazines though. So that's a plus.

Anyhoo... once I was in there, I showed her my temp. chart and she agreed that I had definitely not ovulated. Then we took a look at my ovaries. They are doing NOTHING. They are just chillin' not doing a darn THING. Nothing. "Um, Hello ovaries??? You're EMBARRASSING me with your laziness! We have company! C'mon! Up and at 'em!" Sigh. They're just sleeping. Lazy ovaries.

I do think that I'm done with this doctor though. She's not a fertility doc, in her defense. But she was already saying that maybe I should just jump right to doing IVF. Yikes! Um, no thanks! Not ready for that yet! I think she's just tired of seeing me and getting no results. Yeah, me too doc! Anyway, she gave me a prescription for progesterone to hurry things along and get this cycle over with already, and then one for the next level of Clomid- to REALLY kick my lazy ovaries in the ass. Do ovaries HAVE asses? Not sure.

So... now we wait.

This is my LEAST favorite part. The waiting. Oh well. Onward!

~M