mommy guilt

I thought about just calling this blog post "guilt", because really, I had all sorts of guilt before I was a mom; just different kinds. Sadly, I think many women do. Society/media often paints this picture of what women "should" be; beautiful, intelligent, kind, tough, humble, maternal, strong, sensitive, independent, home maker, sexy, career woman and of course- thin and well dressed. And sadly, though we all know it's pretty much impossible to be all of those things, we often put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to attempt to achieve it all.

Then if you become a mother, add on top of all of that: Do everything you possibly can to have the healthiest, happiest baby possible at all costs.

Lately I'm constantly riddled with the mommy guilt. If I am playing with them and I stop to check my iPhone for something- guilt. You should be paying attention to them all the time! If one of them tips over and bonks their head- guilt. Oh- you're so neglectful! Even if I go to the store and my husband is watching them; I feel guilty if I take too long. He doesn't make me feel guilty of course. No, I do it all to myself. And yes, before you all say, "That's silly. Babies need to play on their own, and they WILL fall and bonk their heads, and for the love of GOD woman; just go to the store! Jeez!" I know all of this. But you know; your brain isn't always in line with what your heart feels.

Most recently the biggest guilt burden I've carried has been surrounding breastfeeding. I won't get in to the ins and outs of all of that in this post, but BOY has it been a roller coaster ride. I love breastfeeding. So much. But the girls are starting to show signs of wanting to wean- especially Poppy. And while I had planned on breastfeeding them for a full year, there's part of me that just wants to say "OK, 9 months- close enough!" But, then the guilt kicks in. Breast milk is best for babies. Nothing wrong with formula (they get probably about half of their food from formula now), it's just that breast milk is easier to digest and has all those great antibodies and magical fairy dust. ALSO, the cost. Full time formula feeding two babies is expensive. As I said, they're only getting about half of their food from formula now, so we'd be doubling the cost. Ouch. Anyway, for now, I will probably just keep doing what I'm doing, and let them slowly wean naturally. Because even though the small desire to just quit is there, so too is the knowledge that I shouldn't rush their weaning. This may be the only time I get to do this, so I should soak up every minute of it. :)

Anyway, I'm trying to be more aware of the things I feel guilty about. Most of the time I realize I need to cut myself some slack. I'm doing my best, and that's all I can do. I'm a smart gal, so realistically I know this.

But then I look at these two faces, and all that flies out the window:

Because, come ON. Who wouldn't want to do just about anything for them??? :)

~ M