Monday, September 13, 2010

tomorrow? oh..um, ok...

So, today I finally got up the nerve to call Dr. David's office and make my appointment for "what happens next". I'll admit- I was putting it off. They weren't calling me, so, I knew it was up to me... I just was not wanting to call.

But, I called today thinking they'd say, "Sure, come in on Friday, or next week or something."

Instead she said, "Do you want to come in tomorrow at 9:15am?"

"oh, um, ok... I, sure, yeah, that'd be, uh, ok. yeah. yep."

I am still not ready to try yet, but I want to talk to him about it all and see what he thinks and get his opinion on how long we should wait to try. Also, Ian is still struggling with his pain, and we need to wait for this to get better until we start trying again. Poor guy; I really hope he feels better soon- he's been dealing with this for over a year now.

So, we'll see what he says. I have this weird, nauseated, pit-in-my-stomach feeling about going back to him. He's great; and has been nothing but fabulous the whole time, but since I'm not really ready to start trying yet; it just all feels weird. Completely different from the first consultation I had with him. Gone is the blind hope; replaced with fear of everything failing again. I'm sure the hope will come back someday, but it won't ever be the same. It will always be tainted with fear.

But, I think it's a good first step and it will be helpful to see what he says.

~M

1 comment:

  1. good luck mariah ... we'll be thinking of you!

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