3 months!

My babies turned 3 months yesterday! So cliche, but my how time flies! :)

~M

bad blogger.

Ok, I'm a bad blogger. It's been way too long since I've written anything here; but I have a good reason. I just moved across the country with my 3 month old twins. So, yeah. Hectic, stressed, displaced, whirlwind; doesn't even begin to cover it.

I have so many posts in my head that I am going to write SOON. So many things I want to talk about, and I will soon. Very soon. I've missed blogging and I feel like I really do need it! It helps me vent, or just reflect on certain things/events in my life.

Anyhoo, to tide you over, here are some pics we took on my last day in NYC:

Ian stayed behind two weeks extra to pack up. There was just no way we were going to be able to pack up our 1 bedroom apartment with the babies there. It was hard enough for me to pack my suitcase! When I wasn't feeding them, they were napping in the bedroom, and that's where all my stuff was.

I arrived in Seattle on August 31st, and Ian just arrived today! We are SO happy to be back together again; all four of us. He swears that the girls grew during the two weeks we were apart. They certainly are changing! They are both making more noises (cooing, etc,.) and are just smiling all the time. They also are getting way better at holding their heads up.

My mother-in-law and I started house hunting before Ian arrived. So far we haven't found anything, but we sure had fun dressing the girls up for our house hunting adventures:

Anyway, that's all for now. I promise I will be better from now on! Pinky swear!

~M

two months

Amelie and Poppy turn two months today! Happy two month birthday, girls! The time is going by quickly, but I'm enjoying it so much! We love you more than words.

Amelie

Poppy

~M

birth story (part 3)

(You can read parts one and two here and here).

When they were rolling my bed down the hall towards the operating room, I honestly felt like I was in a movie or a television show. It still didn't feel real. Ian had to wait outside until I was all prepped, and my mom wasn't allowed in the room.

I remember in our childbirth class our teacher said many times, that you can't worry about being dignified during childbirth. It's primal and messy and raw. Now, I've never given birth vaginally, but I think there's a whole different kind of undignified for a cesarean birth. I was laying there on the operating table, completely naked except for a hairnet thing on my head. I'd say there were 10 people in the room, at least. Then I had to be lifted, naked, from the bed I was rolled in on, to the operating table. But of course I couldn't help at all, because I still had an epidural, so I was pretty numb. You just feel so helpless and exposed in every way.

Once I was on the table, they began prepping me. Gave me more epidural so that I was completely numb. Then they put up the blue curtain thing in front of my face. My arms were each stretched out to the side. One had an IV and the other had a blood pressure cuff so that my blood pressure could constantly be checked. The anesthesiologist was at my head, explaining things to me; I THINK trying to make me feel better, but it wasn't really helping. I got so nervous, because they never asked me "can you feel this?" while poking my leg or something, so I was SO freaked out that I was going to feel them cutting. I should have probably realized they do these all the time and knew what they were doing. Finally, I was all prepped, numb and ready to go, so Ian was allowed into the room.

As soon as I saw him and heard his voice I got really emotional. It had been a long 30 hours, and a much longer journey to get to this point. All of that rushed through my head; the fertility tests, the ups, the downs, the miscarriage; all of it leading us to this point. We were about to meet our girls. It was finally time.

Dr. Leipzig asked me if I was ready, and off they went. It really only took a few minutes before she was telling me that Baby A was here and she was big! They had a little trouble getting her out, because of how she was positioned. I didn't feel any pain, only lots of tugging and pressure. Then after several minutes, I heard a beautiful little cry. It was so amazing. I remember being too afraid to look at Ian, because I knew I'd start crying; and not just a little, but the kind where you sob and can't stop. Baby A was whisked off to be cleaned. Ian tentatively went over to try and see, and the mean nurse- (remember Ida?) shooed him away. When I think about that now, it pisses me off. He wasn't in their way at all; just wanted to see his first born! Really makes me mad. Anyway, Baby B came out a lot quicker, and after we heard her cry, she was whisked away as well. A few minutes later, they brought Baby A over to us. She was a little bruised up since it had been a little difficult to get her out. But she was beautiful. SO AMAZING. So unreal. There was a tiny person laying there on the table staring up at us, and we made her!

Then they took Baby A back, and brought over Baby B. She looked a little smaller and very different from her sister, but just as beautiful. We had our names picked out, but hadn't yet chosen which baby got which name, so I asked if we could please see them side by side. As soon as they laid them down next to each other, we quickly chose their names. Baby A would be Poppy Lorelei, and Baby B would be Amelie Violet. Our two beautiful girls.

Here are the only pictures we were able to get in the OR:

 

Amelie

Poppy

We got to sit there with them for a few minutes, but then they had to take Poppy to the NICU. She had been in the bag of waters that ruptured 30+ hours ago, and since she was also premature, they had to take her there for observation because of a higher risk of infection. Once they had finished stitching me up, they wheeled me to recovery with Amelie. Ian went to make some phone calls to our families.

Amelie was with me for a few minutes. We attempted breastfeeding for a bit and then they took her to the nursery. I had to stay in the recovery room for about two hours (well, that's what they said then). However, two hours turned in to 6. After six hours, they said I could probably go to my room soon. However, they realized that even though I was being given lots and lots of fluid, my urine output was REALLY low. Not good. So, after 9 hours, Ian and my mom went home, and I was still in recovery.

The time in recovery is SUCH a blur. I was so exhausted and still not able to eat anything. It was a super hectic place to be during the day. I saw so many new moms come and go, and I just stayed. Some people from the high risk OBGYN team came in to see me, and let me know that they were concerned about the fact that I was so dehydrated and holding on to all of the fluid they were pumping in to me, therefore, until that improved, I had to stay in recovery. They hooked up bag after bag of fluid, and I drank apple juice and water as much as I could. I wasn't really scared, but I could tell that the doctors were worried. Finally, things started to improve in the early morning of the next day, and after about 24 hours in recovery, I could finally go up to my own room.

Poppy had to stay in the NICU for longer than they first expected. She ended up being in there for a full 48 hours. I was able to visit her once while she was in there, but it was difficult to get out of bed with a catheter in. We figured it out with a wheelchair though, and I got to hold her after not seeing her for over 24 hours. It was so hard to see her in there all by herself. I knew she was fine, and a lot better off then most of the babies in there, but it was still sad.

I won't bore you with all of the details of my stay in the hospital. I won't lie though; it was rough. First of all, they don't let spouses spend the night, so Ian had to leave every night around 10pm. Also, the first night I attempted to have Amelie in the room with me, and it just didn't work. I still had a catheter in, so I was stuck in bed, and I wasn't able to move her in and out of her bassinet on my own. So, she went to the nursery. I pumped as often as I could and saved the colostrum to feed to them, but it still wasn't how I had wanted it to happen. I had really wanted them to stay in the room with me, but with one baby in the NICU and the other in the nursery, it just didn't work out that way. I cried a lot that first night, feeling like I had let my baby down. It turned out to be just fine though. I got some sleep, and my babies were well taken care of.

And.... that's pretty much it! I hope you weren't bored to death by all of the detail. Writing out this story was just as much for me as it was for the blog. I don't want to forget any part of our experience. It didn't turn out the way I had pictured and hoped, but I think that's pretty much what happens to everyone. You can't plan these things. There are times I still get really sad that I didn't get to have a natural birth. But when I look at these sweet faces every day, it really matters less and less as time goes by.

~ M

my how we've grown....

As the girls near their two month birthday, I can hardly believe how much they've grown! Poppy is over 9 pounds and Amelie is nearly at 9.

For a little comparison, here they are on the first day we brought them home, (on June 19th) in their coming home outfits:

There were little pants that went with them, but I only have a picture of Poppy in hers:

Now, this is them today:

The onesies really don’t fit Poppy anymore (well, they do, but they’re snug) and Amelie is also pretty much grown out of it. Also, the hat won't even stay on Poppy's head anymore, and it is really snug on Amelie. It’s so crazy how baggy everything was on them, less than two months ago!

I'm so happy they are so healthy, but I'm already getting nostalgic for those first couple of weeks! I know that time will only keep plowing ahead though, so I'm glad I have these photos to look back on!

~M

i know....

I'm so behind in posting, it's not even funny. But, have some pity on me; I've lost my grandma helpers. You see, for the first two weeks of the babies' lives my mom was here helping, and then right after that, my mother-in-law. So for 6 weeks, I had a mom with me all the time. They were AMAZING. They cooked for us, cleaned, held babies, let us take uninterrupted 2-3 hour naps; it was great. But, that couldn't last forever, and now I'm on my own. Ian is at work, so it's just me, Amelie and Poppy, holdin' down the fort.

Most of the time its been amazing. I love spending this time with them. However, that's not to say it's without challenges. With only one person, if both babies are screaming crying at the top of their lungs, you can really only attend to one at once. So, one baby is left to cry for a moment while you finish diapering or changing the spit up covered onesie of the other. It's kind of stressful, and of course, you feel horrible that you can't pick up your baby as soon as they start crying.

For the most part, we hang out in the bedroom. Sounds boring, but I think for the first bit it's going to be helpful. First of all, it's hot here, so we keep the AC on in the bedroom and shut it off in the rest of the house; save a little $$ that way. Also, it helps that I can keep everything I need in the bedroom and don't have to schlep it from room to room. Boppies, breast pump, water, burp cloths, swaddles, etc. I have a little station set up for me; my water, my laptop, my breast pump and my phone. So, we're all set up in here for now. It also doesn't help that it's REALLY hot outside, so that makes going out a lot more difficult. We went on little outings while my mother-in-law was here, but sometimes it seemed to really be hard on the babies. They would be REALLY thirsty when we got back home. So, for now, we're hunkered down in the cozy bedroom. :) We'll venture out soon enough, but for now, I like the special little baby room we have going on.

~ M

the doubts

It stands to reason that when you're a first time parent, you're bound to have questions as to whether or not you're doing things right. Questioning your methods for feeding, changing, soothing, dressing, and burping them. I started having my doubts right away.

Recently, my doubts have mostly surrounded around breastfeeding and sleeping. I've always wanted to exclusively breastfeed my girls, but from day one there were hurdles encountered. Poppy had to spend a couple of days in the NICU, and she was fed formula while there. I was breastfeeding Amelie, but when they did some standard tests on her, they found she had low blood sugar, so they gave her some formula as well. Also, I tried to do rooming in with Amelie, because I wanted her to be with me all night, but because I was stuck in bed (more on that soon when I recap part two of my birth story. soon- I swear!) I was unable to lift her in and out of her bassinet. So, one night, in tears, I called the nurse and had her take Amelie to the nursery to sleep, where she was fed formula. With all of this happening;, right out of the gate I kind of felt like a failure. I was pumping and saving my colostrum to feed them, but it just wasn't enough with everything that was going on.

Since they have been home, I've done a combination of breastfeeding, pumping and supplementing with formula. Until the last few days, they really couldn't breastfeed for much longer than 10 minutes (usually shorter) before they fell asleep. So, the routine was: Breastfeed for 10 or fewer minutes, feed them my pumped breastmilk pumped from the previous feeding, then pump for 15-20 minutes afterwards. Sometimes this was enough, but quite often at first, (especially when my milk was still coming in) they also needed some formula.  I really never wanted to feed them formula, but it's just how it worked out. I didn't feel TOO bad, since I was still giving them all of my breastmilk, but it still wasn't how I planned it. Nowadays, they can nurse for quite a long time, and it's evident that they're getting more breast milk, because when I pump, there isn't a lot left. However, they still are hungry afterwards, so I still have to supplement. I've purchased books on increasing my milk supply and am doing all I can to help this out, but for now, supplementing is necessary. I have worries occasionally that giving them formula is "bad", and that I should be able to feed them only breast milk. But it's just not possible right now, so I hold out hope that someday soon we can cut the formula out of the picture.

And, sleeping. Well, they honestly had been doing pretty well. Actually, since they were premature, the pediatrician told us we needed to wake them every two hours to eat. And this was honestly hard sometimes; they'd be so sleepy. Once they surpassed their birth weights and were a few weeks old, we were told they could go 3 hour stretches, and 4 hours at night. They did this for probably 1 1/2 weeks (though I think they only lasted 4 hours once), but now? Not so much. Poppy is having some sleep issues now and has been waking up after less than two hours, or just not going to sleep at all. It's so confusing, because in all of the books they say that they are approaching a time (6 weeks) where they will start staying awake a little longer. BUT, it also says, if the babies are premature, it would be 6 weeks AFTER their due dates. Which wouldn't be until late August. So, not sure what the deal with Poppy is nowadays. I realize that things with babies don't always go by the book, and that there are things like growth spurts to factor in, but when you're sleep deprived and exhausted, you start to doubt things. Is it something I'm doing? Does she need to eat more? Less? Sigh. Sadly, since Poppy can't talk yet, there's no real way to know for sure. And who knows; tomorrow she could stop doing it and move on to something else.

That said, I'm trying to embrace my doubts a little more, and realize that they're just part of being a parent. I feel good about the fact that I do research, but that I don't live by what I read. I take it in and consider it, but we don't just do something becuase a certain book says so. Especially considering the next book you read will say something completely different.

I know that my doubts will grow and change as they get older. One thing I am absolutely positive of though; we love these girls more than anything, and will always be doing whatever we can to take the best care of them. Even if we doubt ourselves from time to time along the way.

~M

one month

I can't believe it; today my girls turn one month old! It honestly seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital delivering them; and then in some ways it seems like I can't really remember what it feels like to not have them around. They are just the best thing to ever happen to us.

Happy one month birthday, my sweet girls. We love you more than words.

~M

P.S. Poppy and Amelie would love it if you'd click the banner below to give us a daily vote! It's all they want for their one month birthday. :)

the little things

Sometimes it's the little things that make up a very nice day....

a yummy treat breakfast scone:

an iced coffee on a warm day:

 

 

losing enough fluid in your feet that you can finally tie your shoes (hooray!):

 

 

sleepy babies in a cozy coffee house:

 

spotting a cool bird on a nice walk through the park:

sweet babies:

Topped off by a wonderful home cooked meal and a small glass of wine. Lovely day full of lovely little things.

~M

outings

For the most part, since the girls have come home, we've stayed at home with them. It's pretty much necessary, because 1) they're really little and young! and fragile! and 2) it's really hot out in NYC right now; not the best time for traveling with two newborns. and 3) We don't have a car, so it's either the subway or a car service, and both have their pros and cons.

So far the only places we have gone have been doctor appointments of some kind, and then once, down the street to the corner deli. The first outing was to the pediatrician the day after they arrived home- just to check to see if they were gaining weight properly. The next outing was the pediatrician again- a follow up.

The trip to the deli was mostly to get a little walk in, since I was feeling the need to get out of the house, and also an excuse to use our ergo carriers. Here's us returning home:

Then, last week my mother-in-law and I took them to my OBGYN appointment. It wasn't necessary; she could have just stayed at home with them while I went to my appointment- but we decided it'd be fun if we all took a little trip. For this outing, we decided to take a car service since it was on the east side and we would have had to transfer trains if we took the subway. Not ready for that! My appointment ran a little late, so I had to breastfeed Amelie in the exam room before we headed out, because she started crying. But after that, we walked 2 blocks to a nearby Starbucks and fed them both a bottle while we had a little coffee. Amelie was WIDE awake the whole time, taking it all in:

while Poppy just napped the whole time:

Then today we had to go to Children's hospital at Columbia Presbyterian for an ultrasound of Amelie's hip. She was delivered breech, so it's standard procedure for them to do an ultrasound to make sure their hips are ok. She was just fine. :) Today we took the subway, which was an undertaking, but it worked! We had to make sure the stop we got off at had an elevator for our stroller, which it did. It was REALLY hot today, but the girls were fine- they wore the new sundresses that their Aunt Jody gave them; so they were nice and cool:

And here's them in their cool ride on the subway:

So there you go! We've already had many adventures- and all before they're four weeks old! I can't wait for more little trips ahead; and maybe a few that don't involve the doctor's office. :)

~M