35

I turned 35 a couple of weeks ago. The age factor didn't upset me at all, I'm totally fine with 35. Excited, even. What I realized though, is that I AM getting older, and it's a lot harder to get away with not taking good care of yourself.

When I don't sleep; I feel it a lot more than I would have 10 years ago. When I don't eat enough, I get irritable and tired. When I don't drink enough water, I feel sluggish and headachy. And when I don't exercise, the pounds pile on a LOT faster than they used to. Sadly, since the babies were born, I am quite guilty of neglecting all of these areas.

What I'm saying is this: 35 didn't make me sad about getting older, but it did make me really realize that it's time for some changes. I need to take a lot better care of myself.

This does not just mean exercise and weight loss, though those are a big part of it. I need to try and go to bed a little earlier (always hard since I relish the 2-3 hours of baby free time in the evening); I need to make sure I eat and drink enough water. And eat WELL, not just grab a granola bar. I need to try and find some more "me" time opportunities, even if it's just 30 minutes on the weekend; and finally, I do need to start exercising.

This will be my biggest change by far, but I think it's the most crucial. I need it for my physical and mental health. And I need to make it a priority. So, this week, I'm committing to exercising 3 times. Even if it's just a good long walk.

I want to be a good example to my girls. I want them to have a healthy, happy mom.

So here I go. Time to start making myself a bit more of a priority, so that I can be the best possible mom to these cuties :)

acceptance

Today, I accept that I didn't have time during the day to blog, and that this evening, I chose to watch Grey's Anatomy curled up on the couch instead.

So, since I didn't, here are some pictures to tide you over. :)



















More soon!

~ M

9 months

Today I have two babies that are 9 months old. I can't believe this! They have officially been outside longer than they were inside!

I'm so excited by all of their developmental milestones and all of the things ahead for them, but also a bit sad that time is going so quickly! In 3 short months they will be one year old. It just boggles my mind. It wasn't THAT long ago that I was sitting at my desk at work in New York, reading about fertility and just hoping and wishing that I'd be pregnant soon.

And now, I have the loveliest daughters a girl could ask for. Happy 9 months, my little loves.

~M

the trouble with sleep

I'll just start this post out by saying- I love my girls. I pretty much want to spend every second of every day with them. They're adorable, sweet and just so fun to watch; most of the time it doesn't feel like a job to watch them all day.

Until nap time.

Nap time is the bane of my existence lately. I mean, it's never really been easy, but I think before I thought, "Oh, they're only 4 (or 5 or 6 or 7) months old, so the napping just isn't consistent yet". Well, tomorrow they are 9 months old; and I'm ready for some reliable napping, dammit. Just even one nap per day that I could count on even MOST of the time would be nice.

This is generally how it goes: Around 9:30-ish they start rubbing their eyes and seeming sleepy. So, I check their diapers and get ready to put them down for a nap. Now, my girls still have to be rocked to sleep (sigh. that's a post for another day), but I can't take them both in the bedroom at once, because while I'm rocking one, the other one will cry, or babble and keep the other awake. I used to just leave them on the floor playing with toys, but then they learned to roll over/sit up/scoot around, so that was no longer an option. Once they started being able to sit up, they stopped enjoying their swings at all. Then I started putting them in their activity chairs, but they would cry after being out here a few minutes by themselves. So, I now put them in their activity chairs, with a bunch of toys, right in front of the running washing machine. Laugh, but it works. They love watching the washing machine go.

ANYway, so one of them (usually just the least cranky one) sits in front of the washer playing in her chair, and I rock the other one to sleep. Usually takes between 5-10 minutes. I keep the door cracked so I can hear if activity chair baby starts crying at all. Once the first baby is down for her nap, I go get the second. If all goes well, that baby will quietly let me rock her to sleep. If all DOESN'T go well, that baby will cry and fuss and not WANT to go to sleep, and then will subsequently wake the first baby. Then I sigh and try and start all over again, this time with the second baby in the room, hoping she keeps quiet long enough to get the first baby back to sleep.

Once they're finally asleep all the books say, "oh, yeah, your babies will totally take two naps a day. One should be an hour long and the other should be two hours long. If they don't sleep that long, your baby is NOT getting enough sleep!" So, yay! The first nap will be an HOUR? Great! I'll get some breakfast and maybe take a shower and tidy up a bit and.... oh. I hear crying over the baby monitor 20 minutes in to the nap. I RUN down the hall to try and stop it before the other baby wakes up and NOPE. They are both awake. End of nap.

Second nap goes pretty much the same, except they are MORE cranky and MORE tired, so yay! This will probably be the 2 hour nap! Just like the book says! No? 40 minutes? And not even 40 minutes straight through. 40 minutes with me rocking one of the babies after they woke 25 minutes in.

Now, if this second nap ends early enough, I usually try and do a third nap. Sometimes I just take them for a drive, because honestly? I'm tired of the nap game for the day. But, if their second nap ends too late, and they aren't going to be tired for a third nap until 4:30 or so, then it's too late. We can't give them a nap too late, because it will interfere with their bedtime of 7pm.

I really don't quite know what to do about all of this. Most of the problem with the naps lies with them waking each other up. We could separate them, but ultimately, we want them to be used to the other baby and their noises. I'd also like to stop them from waking up 20-30 minutes in to the nap and having to rock them back to sleep. Because even just one hour that I could have for myself during the day to get things done, would be great.

I have the book "The no cry nap solution" and I have read some parts of it, but methinks it's time to just read the whole damn thing cover to cover, because mama needs a SOLUTION. And also, a shower.

(old picture. back when they fell asleep pretty darn easily.)

sew cute

For Christmas, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law gave me a whole bunch of sewing stuff, and lent me a machine so that I could try my hand at sewing! I don't think I've sewn anything since 7th grade when I made a duffel bag in home ec. I think I got a B on it, so it wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible.

Anyway, The girls have these really cute onesies that were given to me as a gift, and I thought, hey, I might be able to make something like that! I mean, not as good of course, but just sew something simple on the front of a onesie.

 So, the above are the ones I got as gifts, and here are the ones I made:

They turned out ok! I mean, not spectacular, but cute enough. :) Also "made" by me are the girls' leggings. I just chopped the foot part off of a pair of girls' long socks and hemmed them. They are ok, but they fall down too much, so I think I'll add some elaastic for the next pair I make.

I have to say, I really liked making these little things! I have a few patterns that were part of my Christmas gift so I might try my hand at those next. Or, I'll just keep sewing stuff on to the front of onesies. :)

~M

mommy guilt

I thought about just calling this blog post "guilt", because really, I had all sorts of guilt before I was a mom; just different kinds. Sadly, I think many women do. Society/media often paints this picture of what women "should" be; beautiful, intelligent, kind, tough, humble, maternal, strong, sensitive, independent, home maker, sexy, career woman and of course- thin and well dressed. And sadly, though we all know it's pretty much impossible to be all of those things, we often put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to attempt to achieve it all.

Then if you become a mother, add on top of all of that: Do everything you possibly can to have the healthiest, happiest baby possible at all costs.

Lately I'm constantly riddled with the mommy guilt. If I am playing with them and I stop to check my iPhone for something- guilt. You should be paying attention to them all the time! If one of them tips over and bonks their head- guilt. Oh- you're so neglectful! Even if I go to the store and my husband is watching them; I feel guilty if I take too long. He doesn't make me feel guilty of course. No, I do it all to myself. And yes, before you all say, "That's silly. Babies need to play on their own, and they WILL fall and bonk their heads, and for the love of GOD woman; just go to the store! Jeez!" I know all of this. But you know; your brain isn't always in line with what your heart feels.

Most recently the biggest guilt burden I've carried has been surrounding breastfeeding. I won't get in to the ins and outs of all of that in this post, but BOY has it been a roller coaster ride. I love breastfeeding. So much. But the girls are starting to show signs of wanting to wean- especially Poppy. And while I had planned on breastfeeding them for a full year, there's part of me that just wants to say "OK, 9 months- close enough!" But, then the guilt kicks in. Breast milk is best for babies. Nothing wrong with formula (they get probably about half of their food from formula now), it's just that breast milk is easier to digest and has all those great antibodies and magical fairy dust. ALSO, the cost. Full time formula feeding two babies is expensive. As I said, they're only getting about half of their food from formula now, so we'd be doubling the cost. Ouch. Anyway, for now, I will probably just keep doing what I'm doing, and let them slowly wean naturally. Because even though the small desire to just quit is there, so too is the knowledge that I shouldn't rush their weaning. This may be the only time I get to do this, so I should soak up every minute of it. :)

Anyway, I'm trying to be more aware of the things I feel guilty about. Most of the time I realize I need to cut myself some slack. I'm doing my best, and that's all I can do. I'm a smart gal, so realistically I know this.

But then I look at these two faces, and all that flies out the window:

Because, come ON. Who wouldn't want to do just about anything for them??? :)

~ M

rainy afternoon walk

It wasn't a long walk, but yesterday we took the girls out for a short walk and change of scenery. It was raining and cold, so we made it quick.

Also, frog and monkey hats from Grandma. Insanely cute.



~ M