9 months

Today I have two babies that are 9 months old. I can't believe this! They have officially been outside longer than they were inside!

I'm so excited by all of their developmental milestones and all of the things ahead for them, but also a bit sad that time is going so quickly! In 3 short months they will be one year old. It just boggles my mind. It wasn't THAT long ago that I was sitting at my desk at work in New York, reading about fertility and just hoping and wishing that I'd be pregnant soon.

And now, I have the loveliest daughters a girl could ask for. Happy 9 months, my little loves.

~M

I'm back, babies!

Hi, all! Well, it seems as though this whole "first-time-mom-taking-care-of-two-babies" thing has been a bit of a time suck. A good time suck, don't get me wrong. But time for blogging? My goodness; I rarely have time to shower. I bet you're anxious to hang out with me now! Covered in spit up and drool and not showering daily? Hot.

But today, I am sitting at a Starbucks, drinking my coffee while it's STILL WARM, and taking an hour to do some blogging! My sweet husband is watching the girls, and it's kind of crazy having this kind of free time right now. I almost don't know what to do with myself!

I certainly don't know where to start! Let's see, we left off when they were 3 months and now they're almost NINE months??? whoa.

How about we start here:

(Amelie L, Poppy R)

and here:

 (Poppy L, Amelie R)

 and also here:

  (Poppy L, Amelie R)

I know what you're thinking. They're ridiculously cute. So cute, it's almost not fair! :) I might be biased, but I don't care.

These girls are the joy of my life. Every day I wake up very , very tired, and reluctant to get out of bed; but when I see their big smiles first thing, it makes everything easier. They are just the sweetest babies, especially in the morning or any time they wake up from a nap. All smiles and super excited about life.

I have so much I want to talk about! So much has happened in the last 6 months that I don't know where to begin. My life is so drastically different than it was 9 months ago, it's just unbelievable. My day is filled with baby smiles and cries, drools and diapers, fussing and giggling, exploring and learning and seeing things through brand new eyes. Even on the worst day (and there have been some pretty bad ones) I wouldn't trade it for the world. These girls are my heart and I love them more and more every single day.

So, I am going to make a commitment to doing a daily blog post again; even if it's just a picture or a few sentences. I started this blog as a place to vent and to let out my heartache about my fertility issues. Now I'd really like to keep it up to have a little virtual baby book to track all of the goings on of my cute girls. And to also possibly continue to vent from time to time, as I know every day isn't an easy one. Topics I plan on discussing in the upcoming posts; feeding, sleeping, crawling, teething, making time for myself, struggles with being a stay at home mom, trying to maintain a small portion of your normal life while parenting, tons and tons of cuteness, and much, much more. There will always be pictures because of course. The aforementioned adorableness.

like this:

(Poppy L, Amelie R)

More soon!

~ M

P.S. So, I list my blog on topbabyblogs.com, and I used to be in the top 20! I now am down around 400. Oops. Guess that's what taking a 6 month hiatus from blogging will do to ya. Would you mind clicking on the below link? You don't have to sign up for anything. Just click and vote for me. And you can do it once a day! So if you felt so inclined, you could do that! I know! So exciting, right?? I promise that if you vote for me, I will keep the posts coming. Thanks! :)

their own little corner of the world

Well, this last weekend we finished the little corner of our room where the babies will sleep and get changed. It's really darn cute, if I do say so myself.

Kath painted the dresser for us (which was so nice!) and Ian hung the pictures while we gave him directions about moving them left or right. There's obviously some things we'll still need, including a bucket or basket for diapers, lotions, wipes, etc., but it's pretty close to ready for babies!

Here you go!
(click to enlarge photos)

I just love their little nook. Every time I look over at it, I smile. :)
The pictures I printed off for free online. The garland I bought at Paisley Handmade on etsy. The cute monkey was crocheted by Kath.

I hope you enjoyed seeing our little baby corner! In just 3 months, there will be actual BABIES in there!

~M

omgmonkeyhat

I think I will need to be buying two of these for SURE.

holding back

So, as you know, I'm in the dreaded "waiting" period. Waiting to see if I have a bun in the oven. There are also several other annoying waiting periods in this whole infertility game:

1. The period you're actually waiting to get your period. If you find out you're not pregnant (which has happened to me a bazillion trillion times) then you just have to wait to get your period so that you can start the cycle all over again. This is an annoying time, because there's no hope involved; only annoyance that you're eagerly waiting for something that is so decidedly NOT fun.

2. Waiting to ovulate. This is a more exciting thing to wait for, but also slightly nerve wracking. If you're one of those lucky people that those cool ovulation predictor kits works for, maybe it's not as nerve wracking. But for me, they don't work. I've tried WAYYY too many of them, spent WAY too much money on them, and never have they worked. So, I'm always a little nervous that I'll miss my window. Luckily, more recently, I get ultrasounds to check for me, so it's not as stressful.

3. And now, the most stressful waiting period; waiting to see if I'm pregnant. I think that this got more stressful for sure once I had my miscarriage. When I first miscarried, I couldn't imagine trying to get pregnant anytime soon. But then I realized that I want a baby more than anything, so, even if it was emotionally hard; it was worth it.

And now I'm walking this fine line of getting excited for Tuesday and trying to think positively, and then at the same time, trying manage my hope. I don't want to get my hopes up, because every time you try to conceive- even if you're perfectly healthy- the odds/statistics are against you. So, it doesn't make sense to get excited. But… it's pretty hard not to at least think about it. The problem is, when I start to think about it, and get excited, I do things like look at baby websites/blogs (they are seriously like crack, people!) and then I do things like look at little outfits. Like these.

OH MAH GOD. I will for sure be dressing my children in fun, crazy colorful things like this. But no, I'm not getting ahead of myself or anything….

Anyway, so now I wait. Nothing to be done about that. Wait until Tuesday afternoon, and just see what happens. I'll have to keep myself busy this weekend. Luckily, I have Saturday covered, as I'm babysitting for the cutest 18 month old ever. :)

Have a great Thursday everyone!

~M

(Oh, by the way, I last updated on Thursday, and I hadn't ovulated, but I woke up on Friday and my temp went up, so, that means I ovulated sometime on Thursday, or early Friday morning. So, that's good. Good timing, since I got the IUI on Thursday.)

*photos found here and here

google isn't always your friend

Especially when you're trying to get pregnant. I have googled SO many things. Today, I decided to google about the antibiotic I'm taking for my ureaplasma, doxycycline. First of all, I hate this antibiotic. It is wicked. I almost threw up on the subway the first morning I took it, and then the following morning at home, I actually DID throw up. It's harsh stuff.

So, I googled "doxycycline and pregnancy". You see, even though I'm on day 48 of my cycle and no ovulation yet, I'm still hopeful that we'll be able to time it right. However, then I read this:

"Doxycycline is typically not recommended for women who are expecting. The medicine may cause permanent tooth discoloration in the child, and may even affect bone formation. If pregnancy occurs while you are taking doxycycline, make sure to talk to your health care provider about the potential risks and benefits of using this antibiotic."

Ok. Well, I'm NOT expecting, and I actually finish this antibiotic on Sunday morning, but still. Permanent tooth discoloration? YES, there are worse things, but that would suck. I have no idea if that means that my egg is affected this cycle, or what. But, it worries me just a little bit. See, Google- not always your friend.

Anyway, I have to take the tough stuff, because this is the 2nd time I've had it, so- have to get rid of it. I really hate drugs though. I wish with all of my heart that my damn cycle would just regulate itself, and that I wouldn't have to take fertility drugs. Seriously; I went in to this saying "I never want to take fertility drugs." Ha. Little did I know my body was going to be so uncooperative.

Also, I googled "is it possible to ovulate without seeing a temperature rise"; thinking- hey, maybe it's possible, and I've actually ovulated, but there's just no temp shift!

yeah, it's not possible.

oh.

Today I decided to enter the 21st century, and start charting my cycles online instead of only on paper. I'll still do paper, so that I can take them in to my acupuncturist for her to add to my charts, but doing it on a computer you can keep track of so many different factors going on that specific day. I took a cue from my new friend Kate, over at the kid thing. She always posts her charts from fertility friend. So, I'm gonna give it a whirl this weekend and enter all of my cycles since June of '09. I'm nerdily kind of excited.

I'm in a slightly better mood than I was yesterday. Yesterday was a hard day. Many tears on my part- for no real specific reason. I think maybe I'm happier because today is Friday, and Fridays are awesome! It's lovely here in New York today; 82 and sunny.

Hey, you know what I noticed? I start a lot of sentences with "So,...". I only did it once in this post, but I noticed in going back in other posts that I tend to do that. Isn't that so interesting?

no?

? ?

Ok, no.

Aaaaaaaanyway, that's all. This is a very random post. And fairly uninteresting. And just kind of jumps around a lot. Sorry 'bout that.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! I might write an entry this weekend if I do happen to ovulate. (Keep your fingers crossed!!!)

~M


p.s.

do you want to see the cutest thing ever totally unrelated to fertility?

ok, here you go!