i must be stopped

So, I have a problem. It seems as though I can't stop buying vintage baby clothes. Ok, "can't stop" is a little extreme. But you may remember the little jacket I bought before I even knew the sexes:

and now I've gone and purchased four more things.

It's not my fault. I'm an avid reader of a blog called Harper's Happenings (and Mandy's little one, Harper, is seriously THE CUTEST), and she has an online vintage store called Opal. She has the CUTEST stuff, and well, it's sometimes quite hard to resist. I bought the above jacket from her, and now a few more things...

Here are my four latest purchases from Opal:


and these last two, I couldn't find photos of on her site or on her facebook page, so I just took really quick ones here at my desk:



I will try to stop for a while, but really, she keeps posting such cute things to her shop, and it's hard to resist. :)

~M

*photos found here

changes

So, I will admit; I have become a bit of a blog reading addict. As soon as we started trying to get pregnant, I started researching everything I could. And then I stumbled upon baby blogs! Oh how fun! I get to read about a woman's pregnancy from beginning to end- I was stoked. And I learned about all sorts of fun products, saw lots of cute pictures. I couldn't read enough of them. It was fun! Because, ignorantly, I thought I was going to get pregnant right away. So, I felt like, "Ok, any day now, I'm totally going to join this club and be able to have my own experiences with pregnancy!" I even bought pregnancy books. Not fertility books; because, how hard could it be, right? You just have unprotected sex and BAM! BABY TIME!

yeah. Not quite how it worked out.

So, now, I have all these blogs bookmarked. I still read them every day. But in the last month, it kind of hurts to read them. It makes me feel like I'm reading about this exclusive club that I'm not allowed to join. Hearing people talk about the first time they felt their baby kick, or morning sickness, or ultrasounds, just makes me bummed. Why do I keep reading them? I don't know. Because maybe I feel like I'm still doing research? Honestly- sometimes reading everything I can about it makes me feel like I have control over SOMEthing in this process. Because in reality, I have control over very little.

So, I read my blogs, and get kind of sad. Some days I do manage to just ignore them. Some days I really do want to know what's happening in this person's life, and I check them. And, am genuinely happy for them, and also, genuinely sad for me. And my stack of pregnancy books, well, they sit collecting dust on my night stand; underneath my many, many books on fertility, PCOS, and hormones. Last night I finally put the pregnancy books in the drawer in my nightstand; no use having them out until I actually need them.

Next Wednesday will mark one year that we've been trying to get pregnant. It's been a bittersweet ride so far. Once you have been trying for a year with no pregnancy, you are officially infertile. Not really a goal I wanted to reach, but I realize that we may still have a long road ahead, so I have to keep my chin up and keep moving forward.

And maybe focus more on reading non-baby blogs.

~M